Gerard Butler Will Do Anything for a Klondike Bar
June 1, 2009

I don’t know about you, but I always think of the first phrase “hot piece” when Gerard Butler comes up.  Yes?

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I tend to prefer my men’s facial hair to be a little more trimmed, but I most certainly wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers.  Something about him just screams “roguish devil,” and those eyes are simply incredible.  Anyways, because he’s payed his dues [aka, screaming all his lines in 300 (a terrible, terrible movie that I unfortunately saw) and posthumously sending Hilary Swank on a ridiculous scavenger hunt in P.S. I Love You (a terrible, terrible looking movie that I fortunately avoided like the plague)], 2009 is going to be his breakout year.  Why?  He’s the lead in not just one, but two movies!  He’s got The Ugly Truth, a rom-com designed to appeal to the ladies:

Yeesh.  Are Hollywood’s notion of ladies in actuality brain-dead, zombies with a penchant for masochism?  

I know that most people think of Katherine Heigl as that actress from Grey’s Anatomy who wears the same pair of bitch pants every day when she goes to work, but I really like her.  She was charming in Knocked Up, and she’s the best part about the second season of Grey’s Anatomy (other than Sandra Oh and Sandra Oh’s fabulous hair).  She even made me think about seeing 27 Dresses, so she obviously has a hold on me.  Still, this movie looks terrible!  And not in a fun way!  

Who thinks these bullshit gender wars movies are insightful entertainment?  I get it, Hollywood: women are all about communication and emotions, and men are all about boobies and sex.  Neat.  I could go on and on about how this movie isn’t worth seeing because it relies on lazy observations about the sexes for cheap laughs and how we already know that Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler will get together in the end.  Really, though, I think the trailer says all that for me, so let’s spare me the carpal tunnel and move right along.

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