Tuesday’s the New Hump Day, Which Is Reason Enough to Watch Melrose Place
September 8, 2009

I mean, how could you forget?  Those Melrose Place ads speak the truth, y’all:

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Of course this ad’s referring specifically to crotch humping, but we’ve already been over that clever little innuendo.  The fact is that there’s simply no reason that you shouldn’t be watching the premiere tonight.  Seriously, feast your eyes on this 30-second tease of the impending trashapalooza and tell me it doesn’t sending you into a bad-taste tizzy:

Ha haha ha ha ha!  AMAZING!  I’ve honestly been far more gung-ho about this than I ever was about the 90210 reboot because the original Melrose Place is often spoken of as some sort of mid-90s camp television Holy Grail, and even the mere attempt to try and rebottle that go-for-broke-ridiculightening is all I need to dictate my plans for Tuesday evenings.  Added to that, there’s one incredibly important detail that I feel certain guarantees to make this guilty pleasure the guiltiest pleasure in ages:

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These Melrose Place Ads Tell Me All I Need to Know
August 25, 2009

Have you seen the print ads for this fall’s Melrose Place remake?  They’re straight-forward and to the point, and you have to applaud the marketing people at CW for not trying to advertise the show as anything more than the epically trashy shit show that it’ll indubitably be:

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This poster says, “Melrose Place is about people that are prettier than you.  Prettier people that are doing it.  Some of them are in ugly shoes.  Others are allergic to shoes.  Oh, and sometimes there are old people, but they’re secondary to the young and pretty people that are doing it.”

But what about the other posters?  How much does the message stray?  Let us take a look:

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Lost‘s Jeremy Davies Was on Melrose Place? Whaaa???
April 29, 2009

If you watch Lost, you know that it’s the greatest show on TV, but every once and a while once and a while don’t you find yourself wishing that there was just a little less of the smoke monsters and the time travel and a little bit more of the tawdry, gay melodrama?  Goodness knows I do!  Thankfully, Jeremy Davies once had a role on Melrose Place.  As a recovering crack addict/gay hustler.  Perfect.

Sweet mercy, between the pitchy, shrill laughs and the sheepishly limp wrist, he really nailed the 90s stereotypical gay male caricature.  If only he had a lisp, then it would have been truly complete, a veritable trifecta of faggotry, if you will!

Having seen this, though, I’m going to from now on pretend that Daniel Faraday’s neurotic tics and general nervousness aren’t traits related to his crazy brilliance; no no, I’m going to pretend it’s from the crack withdrawal.  Looks like I just made Lost a little bit more interesting.  Hire me, Damon Lindeloff!  I’ve got so many great/inappropriate-for-the-direction-of-your-show ideas to give!

Kudos to Movieline for noting this early 90s artifact.

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