Happy Birthday, Madonna!
August 16, 2014

madonna girlie show like a virign.tiff

As Susan Sontag observed, “Camp is the outrageous aestheticism of Sternberg’s six American movies with Dietrich.” It’s also Madonna putting on her finest Marlene Dietrich drag and camping the hell out of a medley of “Like a Virgin” and “Falling in Love Again (Can’t Help It).” So what better way for this corner of the internet to celebra-ate the Queen of Pop’s birthday than with hydrangeas this vintage performance from The Girlie Show?

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Today’s Fabulous Image in Cinema: Marlene Dietrich in The Blue Angel
July 29, 2010

If I’m going to be completely honest about these sorts of things, I must admit that my first introduction to Marlene Dietrich–and naturally the beginning of my obsession–didn’t come from Dietrich and director Josef von Sternberg’s first film together, The Blue Angel.  Hell, I can’t even claim to have come around when I saw her infamous same-sex kiss in von Sternberg’s Morocco, which forever boggles my mind that they were able to get Dietrich in a tuxedo kissing another woman past the censors in 1930, during an in-class screening of The Celluloid Closet.  No no, I first swooned for Marlene Dietrich thanks to a Mercedes Benz, this Mercedes Benz commercial to be exact:

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Joel Schumacher’s Twelve Could Be Gossip Girl on Bonkers Pills or: In Defense of the Twelve Trailer
April 7, 2010

It’s important to note that you shouldn’t do drugs, but if you’re adamant about making bad life choices like Emily Meade is in Twelve, it is wise to at least to put yourself in a room that will make tripping balls a bit more like “Cycles” as directed by a gay man:

twelve emily meade teddy bears

It’s also important to note that the trailer for Joel Schumacher’s adaptation of the Nick McDonell’s novel Twelve contains the following in no particular order: sex, drugs, spoiled white kids, foul language, violence, “Kids” by MGMT, Kiefer Sutherland’s velvet sex voice, Manhattan’s Upper East Side, 50 Cent being ridiculously jacked and leaving little to the imagination, Chace Crawford with facial scruff, and Ellen Barkin.  Naturally, this begs two questions:

  1. Is this extended trailer safe for your place of work?
  2. Can you please explain to me how Twelve won’t end up being the best fake episode of Gossip Girl EVER?

Twelve trailer, y’all:

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The Ghost Busters (1954) Trailer Is Quite Simply Perfection
July 30, 2009

It’s pretty safe to say that the children of the 80s can all agree about Ghostbusters:

ghostbusters classic

You really can’t improve upon it.  You can, however, reimagine it as a comedy from the 1950s, which is precisely what this totally brilliant video does.  It combines the pleasures of Classic Hollywood filmmaking with 80s nostalgia, so it pretty much gets all my <3.  Trust me, you need to watch it now:

My only complaint is that this is not an actual trailer for an actual movie because I would watch that movie ad nauseam.  Still, I’ll suffer that small slight for the undescribably joy of seeing Gozer and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, circa ’54.  It doesn’t get any better than that.  At least until we get a a fake trailer for Showgirls of ’33, in which a young Joan Crawford battles with Marlene Dietrich and Barbara Stawyck for stage success and showgirl supremacy.  Make it happen, internet!  

All my love to Movieline for the discovery.

Fan Videos+Madonna+Classic Hollywood Montage=Perfection
April 11, 2009

I realized late last night that the lack of more gay marriage news has left a profound void in my life for all things homo.  I’m fully aware that change does not come in a single instant; we build the better world we wish to live in through persistent work.  Still, we can all agree that the past week has been, historically speaking, totally gay.  And now we’re back to hum drum normality.  As the newspapers sweep away the glitter of last week’s stories, I ponder: How does one fill the gay-shaped hole that sits in my soul?

With this, that’s how:

Have you ever seen Independence Day?  This video is like that wall of fire when the aliens attack.  Instead of killing you, though, these flames of faggotry make things gayer than a rainbow-colored clown car full of drag queens.

When even Lady Gaga will not do, it’s comforting to know that we can always rely on her Madgesty to gives us a shot of vitamin G (as in gay, le duh) to bring us back to our senses.  This video in particular is like a perfect storm of homosexuality.  Anything Madonna is inherently going to be like wearing a pink feather boa and a little body glitter on your cheeks the the Pride Parade, but the potent additions of a “Vogue”/”4  Minutes” mashup and a montage of classic Hollywood stars to visualize Madonna’s ode-to-the-diva interlude is proof positive that NOM is right: there is gathering, and it totally wants you to strike a pose!

Now that I feel properly reenergized, I think it’s time to go steal some rights.  Look out, doctors in California and parents in Massachusetts!  We will not be content until we’re having gay marriages right in your very home!

¡VIVA LA REVOLUCION!

(Thanks to Dana for this glitterbomb of fabulosity.)

I Feel a Diva Rant a Comin’ On…
February 12, 2009

So I’m not really one for useless random lists that rank the best anything in movies (unless it’s by the AFI, in which I then incessantly pick it apart as if it were a personal affront or affirmation), particularly when these list are generated by sloppy research base of unqualified hooligans that probably spend way to much time on the IMDB message boards debating just how hot Megan Fox is in Transformers (rule of thumb, kids: girls that look like diseased strippers are not hot) and who shot first (Han or Greedo?  WHO CARES?).  They also call each other “gay” when their opinions clash, and they tend to have spelling and grammar skills that make most second graders look like Yale graduates.  Point being, these lists don’t deserve to be reported as news because their research pool are constantly poisoned by men in their mid-30s who still live at home with their mothers.  In the basement.  These people are frequently ignorant and all-around awful, so I probably should’ve just ignored this and moved along with my day.   But sometimes I just can’t.

ANYWAYS. I digress.

I saw this little “news” item over on Celebitchy and got school-girl giddy.  Apparently, a poll was conducted to compile a list of the 20 “Most Timeless Beauties.”  Color me intrigued.  And guess who won?

audreywinner

 

She really is the prettiest!  Those cheekbones!  That smile!  Her eyes!  And look at her appropriated image sell the hell out of some Gap skinny jeans:

I could never wear those pants because a) I have my mother’s hips and b) I’m not a girl, but if I didn’t have my mothers hips and an XY chromosome set, I’d totally rock those pants.  And by “rock those pants,” I mean do that dance to AC/DC’s “Back in Black” in the privacy of my own bedroom.  And then maybe post it to Youtube.

Maybe this list can be trusted, right?  (Wrong.)  Let’s see who’s number two!

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