Five Lost Fan Videos That Would Make the Internet a Better Place
May 20, 2010

UGH.  I hate to make like a broken record, y’all, but for realsies:

I can already feel early onset withdrawal coming on, and boy is it bleak.  It’s so bad that I’ve had to work extra hard on my shimmies to help balance out the shakes, and I’ve had to buy myself industrial strength spoons to make sure I don’t accidentally swallow my tongue in the process.  Like I said, bleak.

Anyways, the one upside to being such a human train wreck is that it’s gotten me thinking about Lost fan videos, or–to be more specific–the lack of Lost fan videos.  Seriously, the internet is a bastion for all of us nerds with too much time on our hands to obsess over things like Lost, or which image should come next in their YouTube Miley Cyrus fan video slide show.  Sadly for me, I’m too technologically incompetent to know how to make or even upload a YouTube video.  Hell, I can barely make a gif, and I have to write up all my blog posts on a typewriter and then have have a 15-year-old transcribe them into C++ (that’s how it works, right?), because the interwebs are for the young and I am OLD.  My point is, I’ve come up with a list of Lost fan videos that I think should happen, and I think we, the internet, need to make them happen.  For example:

Song: U2’s “No Line on the Horizon”

Why: U2’s ambient rock hymn to a “girl who’s like the sea” is transformed into one fan’s ode to the mysteries of the island itself.  The lines “Time is irrelevant/It’s not linear” take on a whole new meaning that encapsulates the time-shifting experience Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse have crafted over the course of six seasons.  On the down side, though, there’s no mention of narrative meandering, inexplicably dropped plot threads, or a last-act explanation of “Your questions lead to more questions, so here is a cave of golden light.”

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Because We Need Lost Laughter to Get Through the Lost Pain, Here’s the Series Finale as a Sitcom
May 17, 2010

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:

Knowing that we’re less than a week away from the series finale of Lost fills me with an anxious emotional cocktail of that’s one part excitement and two parts trepidation.  Excitement because I can’t wait to find out how it all finally comes to a close.  Trepidation because I’m not ready to wake up to a world where a brand new episode of Lost isn’t only a week–or even a seemingly interminable span of months between seasons–away, and also because I’m going to be back home in Georgia that weekend.  I’m less worried about getting answers to all my questions (will Penny and Desmond finally be reunited?  What has become of my two favorite Others, Benjamin Linus and Richard Alpert?  And will Kate please either make herself useful or just die already?) and more concerned about my post-finale yowls of pop culture despair awaking my parents.  Seriously, there’s not enough sound-proofing material in all of metro Atlanta to guarantee them a decent night’s sleep.

Anyways, at least I can console myself knowing there’s this video that imagines what the Lost series finale would be like if it were a sitcom, because we’re going to need a bigger LOLZ to get through all the *TEARZ!*, y’all:

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Here’s a Fan-Made Promo to Remind Us What Life After the Lost Series Finale’s Going to Be Like
May 5, 2010

Last night, I was forced to confront YET AGAIN how much I’m really ready for this:

Seriously, it’s been six glorious, occasionally frustrating years with the survivors of the Oceanic Flight 815 crash, and I for one am not ready to get off that rapidly derailing crazy train.  For example, at a certain point last night, a certain thing happened and *SPOILER ALERT* I cried like a dirty bitch because I realized that Lost really is coming to a close.  The end is near, y’all, which means some of our questions if we’re lucky everything will be answered, and while that’s terribly exciting in so many ways, I haven’t yet come to grips with the reality that soon enough I won’t have anything on TV to bark “WHAAAT?!?” at in utter shock and confusion.  At least nothing that doesn’t air on Fox News or the Playboy Channel.

Anyways, ABC recently ran a contest for fans to submit promos for the series finale, and while I’m pretty sure the most confusing Lost mystery to date is how this one didn’t win, I’m extremely confident that this video is what life will look like after the Lost series finale:

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