NEWS: Leighton Meester’s Got a New Song; YouTube Commenters Still the Classiest
July 6, 2009

We all know that you aren’t really someone until you’ve dabbled in having your own music career.  It’s a universal truth.  After all, Heidi “My Personal Source of Eternal Schadenfreude” Montag is a somebody, and she’s obviously known for “Sex Ed,” which–in anticipation of the impending end of the world in 2012— has impressively already won the Summer Jam  of the Millenium award.  Really, you can never be too quick when recognizing talent.

Anyways, we can now officially say that Leighton Meester, Gossip Girl‘s very own Blair Waldorf, is now a someone as well.  Her song is called “Body Control,” and I’ve been listening to it ad nauseam all morning because I love Blair Waldorf.  And I can’t figure out why I like it.  And I have no self-respect:

WORK IT, GIRL!  After a bajillion listens, I think I finally understand why I’m behind this song.

I like to imagine that this isn’t Leighton Meester herself, but a leaked song intended for the Gossip Girl season 3 plot line where Blair, à la Lady Gaga, drops out of NYU to pursue a career as a pop-musician/performance artist.  All that Auto-Tune you hear would be a deliberate part of her act, a post-humanization of the voice (i.e., self) meant to explore new conceptualizations of identity brought about by the proliferation of information in the age of text-messaging, the internet, and the brave new world that is Gossip Girl.  

Her back up dancers would look sorta like the robot from Metropolis, and they’d do Nomi-Malone-esque dances while dressed in fabulous trench coats with perfectly accessorized head bands.  I mean, I probably don’t have to tell you how amazing that would be because you already know how amazing that that would be, but it would be TOTALLY AMAZING!  Just think about it: Blair-Bots?  You know you love it, xoxo.

While my reaction may look like an OD on crazy pills, we fortunately also have YouTube commenters, those torchbearers of intelligent cultural discourse and general classiness.   They have taken to message boards to add their own two-cents and remind us what the rest of the world is thinking:

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