12 Hot Celebrities Who Should Teach Us How to Navy Shower
March 23, 2015

With only a year’s supply of water left, Californians are eager to find ways to conserve water pronto! One of the suggestions I keep hearing about is taking a navy shower, but when you look up how to take a navy shower, you get videos like the one above: informative, serviceable, and not one single sexy famous person in sight! Seriously, is California’s diminishing water supply even an issue if much, much prettier people aren’t telling us it’s a problem? No! And will we pay attention unless it’s a packaged in a listicle that guarantees at least a little nip? NO. There’s but one sensible solution: navy shower educational videos by super hot celebrities.

That’s why I’ve put together this proposed list of twelve blistering hot celebrities who should Show Us Some Peen If You Want Us to Go Green™. The thirst is real, after all, but if these celebs don’t drop trou to take a stand for navy showers, it’s gonna get literal for California, y’all:

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This Week in Irresponsible Mad Men Recaps: Irresponsibility Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry (For Being So Tardy)
July 29, 2010

Well well well, we finally have a recap for “Public Relations” nearly a week after the fourth season of Mad Men premiered?  Looks like somebody has certainly been slacking off as of late, and I’m not talking about Don Draper:

Okay, maybe just a little, but the man’s probably been day drinking, so give him some slack.  I, on the other hand, have no excuse save for the fact that irresponsible recapping–much like love or hating on sweet potato casserole–means never having to say you’re sorry.

Anyways, the fourth season of Mad Men premiered this past Sunday, which means a whole lot of this was happening, particularly when this scene happened:

Okay, I lied.  When Don had The Luckiest Streetwalker in the World (that’s my name for her because that’s what she is) over for a little Thanksgiving stuffing and face slapping, my brain stopped exploding because I was too busy with all the rage strokes.  Seriously, someone in Mad Men gets paid to have sex with Don Draper AND slap him across the face, even though anybody in their right mind (or naughty bits) would do that for free?  There’s only one acceptable response in situations like this:

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This Week in Irresponsible (and Timely) Mad Men Recaps: Once Upon a Time, When We All Loved Doggy Chow
October 31, 2009

My goodness.  Has it really been nearly a week since this past week’s Mad Men?  Shitfire, y’all, it really has been!  And even though the interwebs have already had a week to give us thoroughly considered and Does that mean this week’s Mad Men won’t be recapped?  Absolutely not!  But does that mean this week’s recap is going to make like a Talking Heads’ concert film and stop making sense?  You’d best believe it!

First things first, serious talk and schadenfreude :

suzanne farrell hahaha

I mean, I hate to sound like an unsympathetic monster, but there was something waaay too satisfying having to watch her walk back home after spending half an evening hunched down in the passenger’s seat of Don’s car.  Seriously, I’d about had enough watching Don and Suzanne wreak havoc on my eyeballs plan their romantic getaway vacation this episode, but fortunately Betty and the kids came back early from their trip to Grandpa Eugene’s house, which brings us to the serious talk:

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Rejoice! There Will Be Mad Men Season Three Recaps!
July 25, 2009

Are you not the most excited of excited over the imminent return of Mad Men to television?  I know I am.  Seriously, I’m at DEFCON: Riciculous whenever I think about season three, and I’ve yet to get fully caught up on season two, but that doesn’t mean I already think it’s the best season of television of all time!  Where else do you get Colin Hanks as a priest, the beautiful January Jones giving brilliantly nuanced sadface as Betty Draper, or Bryan Batt’s tragicomic genius as the closeted Salvatore Romano?  NOWHERE.

Everything about every episode is truly perfection, which is why the promise of Mad Men‘s third season makes me wet.  Literally:

mad-men-season3-full-543x800.jpg

What does this poster mean?  Did someone set off the sprinklers in Sterling Cooper?  Is this actually a visual metaphor for the murky emotional waters that Don Draper inhabits?  Why am I even asking an irrelevant question?  It’s Mad Men, and that’s all that matters.  The third season could be inexplicably set in Atlantis for all that matters, but so long as we still have the dreamboat deliciousness that is Jon Hamm and the world’s second great Joan (Holloway will always be second to Crawford, but she’s still the tits, pun intended), I’m fully on board.

So on board, in fact, that today I blog promise to write on every episode of this season, which we can all recognize is the one thing this blog was missing.  Well, that, and an appreciation for fish tacos (the vaginal metaphor, not the tasty Mexican meal, duh), but I’ve no plans to go pull Lohan, so you’ll have to survive on Mad Men adoration and my love for the fabulousness that is Christina Hendricks:

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The Second Coming (of Mad Men on DVD) is Upon Us
June 15, 2009

Oh man, July 14th ain’t just Bastille Day this year.  Didn’t you get the memo?  French-historical-holiday hotness is so every other year, y’all.  Perfectly nuanced, 60s-set television drama is this year’s hotness:

mad men season 2 dvd

Is is just me, or this box art all sorts of delicious?  Wait, stupid question.  It’s most certainly not.

But seriously, if you haven’t been watching season 2 of Mad Men, then you’re in good company.  I haven’t either!  That doesn’t mean we can’t fix our bad life choices before season 3 premieres on August 16th.  

After all, Mad Men‘s probably the single best show airing on TV right now.  The 60s-inspired costumes and sets are nothing short orgasmic (if that’s your sort of thing, and it’s most definitely my thing).  The plot lines play out like fabulous Sirkian melodramas, but they’re allowed the emotional slow burn of telling their tales over the course of 13 episodes as opposed to a few short hours.  And the fact that creator Matthew Weiner had the brilliantly ballsy move to set each season two years apart makes the show infinitely more compelling as it tracks the ever changing social landscape of 1960s America.  

And of course, there’s also that glorious cast.  Like Christina Hendricks, who plays the second greatest Joan of all time:

Joan Holloway Mad Men

How I worship her curves and couture and the steely-bitch facade she carries in the office.  If I worked for Sterling Cooper, you’d better believe she’d be my beard wife in a hot second.

And equally fierce are January Jones (as Betty Draper) and Elisabeth Moss (as Peggy Olsen):

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Did You Know That Tomorrow You’re Watching “30 Rock”? Well, Now You Do
February 4, 2009

I’m glad I’ve cleared things up for you.  It’d be pity if you didn’t know about the plans you didn’t know you already have.  Seriously, though, you’re watching 30 Rock tomorrow.  Not because it’s the funniest show on television (just ask the Golden Globes!) or because Alec Baldwin is brazilliantly hysterical (though he totally is) OR because Tina Fey is certifiably the best (and she really totally is and she should call me so we can get coffee and see movies at repertory theaters and laugh and talk about boys).  You already know all, right?  Right.  Done.

No, the reason you’re watching this week’s 30 Rock is as follows:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Mmmmm…frosting-scented Hamm*.  Seriously, the concept of putting Mad Men‘s Jon Hamm on 30 Rock is probably just too much for you to handle (you=me, le duh).  Mad Men is possibly the best drama on television, a fabulous hour of richly nuanced characters further enriched by fascinating socio-cultural/historical commentary.  And let’s not forget the art design.  It’s faaaaaabulous.  Blending my two favorite flavors is like when Starbucks invented the Toffee Nut Latte.  We get a three-episode arc that is the TV equivalent of the most delectable bourgie coffee drink.  Ever.  WATCH IT!!!

And I’d like to add that every time I watch that clip I hear a popping noise in my head.  I assume the popping noise is the sound of a paradigm shifting.  I’d better stock up on Mr. Clean Magic Erasers for when the full episode airs.

*As a side note, I can’t help but believe that the concept of a frosting-scented Jon Hamm is nigh infallible.  I can be completely behind genetic modification and cloning so long as it would be used towards good (good, of course, is ensuring that frosting-scented Jon Hamms are all our boyfriends).  Let’s Gattaca that shit, STAT!

Thanks Videogum!

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