Jersey Shore Deep Thoughts: We’re Fist Pumpin’ in Miami, Bitch! (Or, on the Rest of the Season Premiere)
July 30, 2010

Oh lordy, y’all.  So Jersey Shore‘s second season premiered last night, and much like the above image from Videogum of Snooki and Sammi Sweetheart listening intently to their conchs, it was a strange thing of booze-fueled, sh*t-talking, train-wreck-of-zen beauty, and how could it be anything but?  Let’s discuss a few of my favorite moments, shall we?

Angelina’s returned prompted The Situation to deliver serious FACE:

Truer feelings of utter disbelief, total confusion, and SENSE OF IMPENDING RIDICUDRAMA have never been FACE’d.  Well played, The Situation.  Very well played, indeed.

And let’s not forget when Snooki gave a brief dissertation on revisionist history:

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Jersey Shore Deep Thoughts: On Fried Pickles
July 30, 2010

In last night’s second season premiere of Jersey Shore, JWOWW and Snooki took a road trip down to Miami.  Along the way, they stopped at a restaurant in Savannah, Georgia.  I liked this because I myself am a Southerner who himself hails from Georgia; however, I loved this because one of the items on the menu caused Snooki to put on her NOM NOM NOM face:

But what could it be?  Why the Southern delicacy knows as fried pickles, of course.  Ever the consummate pickle aficionado, Snooki had the following to say about this symphony of kosher-dill tastes and deep-fried textures:

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Jersey Shore Deep Thoughts: On Enrique Iglesias’s “I Like It”
July 1, 2010

Last night, faithful reader and fellow pop culture blogger Alex brought this video to my attention, so you can thank/blame him for this one.  Here’s the music video for Enrique Iglesias’s “I Like It” featuring Pitbull.  Oh, and the cast of Jersey Shore:

First off: HUH?!?

Is Enrique Iglesias still cool kid music?  Did “Sad Eyes” make him hip again?  (Please let it be “Sad Eyes” that made him hip again because that video is AWESOME.)  Also, is a love of Enrique Iglesias some sort of secret, previously unspoken part of the guido subculture that Jersey Shore‘s second season will explore with the same nuance and cultural sensitivity that it brought to sausage and peppers and fist pumping and pickle sucking, or is this a we-set-this-one-in-Miami thing?

Where the hell is Sourpuss during this mess?

enrique iglesias i like it jersey shore version

Oh, I’m sorry, I meant Angelina.  Did she pack up her trash bags and head back home again?

Do you know who loves fist pumping?  Guidos.  Do you know who loves fist pumping AND doing their best moves from The Matrix on people’s couches?  Enrique Iglesias.

But perhaps most importantly:

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Jersey Shore Deep Thoughts: On the Season Two Trailer
June 30, 2010

Vodpod videos no longer available.

At a certain point, I stopped being excited for this train wreck to get back on the air and started being THE MOST excited for this train wreck to get back on the air.  That moment was when Snooki went after Angelina like that bitch stole her pickle.  Because that might be a metaphor about Vinnie’s sausage (hold the peppers), but it might not.

I mean, what can I say?  I might be a sucker for this paragon of grace and beauty:

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Jersey Shore Deep Thoughts: On Ronnie, The Situation, and Vinnie Being on the “Queer Issue” of the Village Voice
June 23, 2010

The guys from Jersey Shore, save for Ronnie (and Ronnie’s Prince Albert), unknowingly ended up on the cover of the Village Voice‘s “Queer Issue” because it features an article about guidos on the down-low:

This just makes sense.  Much like how my Jersey Shore nickname is “The Sausage Party.”

I mean, when you consider that these men represent the sort of butch-acting, worked-out hyper-masculinity that a sizable portion of the gay community idealizes (and gay-for-pay porn most certainly commodifies), and when you think about how the second season of Jersey Shore isn’t just going to promote itself, OF COURSE they are.

But perhaps more importantly:

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Jersey Shore Deep Thoughts: On How Absence Truly Does Make the Heart Grow Fonder
April 23, 2010

I didn’t wake up this morning expecting to miss any of the cast members of Jersey Shore the way Snooki misses pickles during a cucumber blight, but then I saw this picture of Snooki and JWOWW film the second season of Jersey Shore down in Miami, and that’s when I was reminded of the guidette-shaped hole in my heart:

I mean, you’ve got Snooki drinking a giant frozen margarita with not one but TWO upturned Coronas in it, which is enough booze to give me a bitch of a hangover just looking at it.  Seriously, I feel like one of those could put me damn close to being under the table, two could fell a baby rhinoceros, and three will have Snooki doing backflips all over South Beach.  Added to that, you’ve got JWOWW doing something that requires looking down at her plate while a cigarette dangles deftly from her lip.  Maybe this picture’s just giving me an acid flashback from all the classiness and Aquanet that goes into a single episode of Jersey Shore, but hot damn do I miss watching these two broads in action.  Personally speaking, MTV should just drop the rest of the cast and focus entirely on Jersey Shore‘s two best besties.  Nelly Furtado’s “Maneater” could be their theme song, and it’d be all about Snooki and JWOWW’s friendship and fierceness.  JWOWW could bring her killer tops and her epic fists of fury, and Snooki can bring the FACE:

I’m not quite sure what’s happening up there except that I love it, but I think this next one’s pretty obvious:

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