Robocalypse NOPE
February 17, 2015

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.

[via RocketNews24]

 

The Dancing Squid Is Basically the Real-Life Nannerpuss
July 20, 2011

Most days over at this corner of the internet are devoted to sharing the camp curios and other various batsh*t crazy paraphernalia of the interwebs. Or, at the very least, yet another Showgirls reference, because Showgirls references NEVER get old. Then, of course, there are the days when your parents are about to come into town and you’ve spent your day off so far making the most of the city by eating a French Dip duck sandwich at Shopsin’s (trust me: you want to go to there), so the best offering you’ve come up with today is an old Denny’s commercial you’ve already previously posted because–much like Showgirls references–Nannerpuss never gets old.

Oh, and also: I just saw the following of this dancing squid, and it’s basically the real-life Nannerpuss:

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Great Performances in Faye Dunaway’s Career: Faye Dunaway Eats a Hard Boiled Egg
June 21, 2010

Based on my highly sophisticated Interweb Deductive Reasoning Skillz (aka, IDRS; aka, Google search), I’ve come to the conclusion that the Parco referred to in this video is the same Parco that’s a department store in Japan; however, what Faye Dunaway peeling and eating a hard boiled egg has to do with shopping at said department store is the sort of batshit weirdness that can neither be Googled nor explained.  It can only be seen, and thankfully Joanne Casey over at I have seen the whole of the internet has indeed seen the whole of the internet (or at least the part of the internet where Faye Dunaway eats a hard boiled egg), so now we can all witness the dignified artistry and elegance that Faye Dunaway brings to hard boiled egg eating:

Obviously this comes as no surprise that Faye Dunaway has made hard boiled egg the new organic pear.  How could it be any other way?  Watching this is simply exquisite.  I mean, think about the delicate, playful way she prepares her egg for consumption; why, it’s practically feline!  Marvel at how she turns hard boiled egg appreciation into a silent epic told through pure FACE, particularly this FACE:

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The Robot Apocalypse Will Be Adorable, Officiate Your Wedding
May 18, 2010

I mean, I guess it’s great to be the couple of nerds that fall in love and decide that the best way to express your commitment to each other is by having the first wedding ever performed by a robot.  People spend their whole lives hoping to make that sort of connection, even though that connection usually doesn’t involve bringing us closer to the day Skynet became self-aware, but you know what?  These people found each other, and that’s a rare and wonderful thing, y’all:

On the other hand, we’re still talking about the Robot Apocalypse, which hasn’t yet stopped being the worst, which still means QUIT IT, JAPAN/NERDS.

Irrelevant Musings on the International Discourse of Kikkoman Soy Sauce
March 4, 2010

In America, nobody seems to think too much about soy sauce.  “Fuck that noise” is what Japan has to say to that:


And why not?  Soy sauce really is better appreciated when it’s embodied by a man in a loin cloth who has a fish for a head and is dousing freakishly large shrimp tempura kitten creatures in that savory sauce.  Just look at those faces.  They’re simply FIENDING for it.  Probably because they just saw this saucy bit of batshit insanity:

WHOAH.  Can we talk about this?  Seriously, we need to talk about this.

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Sweet Shimmying Moses, Japan! Must You So Recklessly Play With the Flames of the Robot Apocalypse?!?
December 1, 2009

There is no reason for anyone to like robots.  For one thing, they could very well be the harbingers of the apocalypse.  Also, they’re just creepy.  Even Asimo, that robot by Honda:

He is NOT to be trusted.  First he will replace the world’s interns and personal assistants by winning your trust when he brings you your half-caff soy latte just the way you like it, then he will be use his built-in milk-steamer/laser-canon to exterminate you and your coworkers during the robot uprising.  Duh.

That said, Asimo has nothing on this monstrosity from the Sixth Annual ROBO-ONE GATE IN INTERNATIONAL ROBOT EXHIBITION 2009 Dance Competition.  She’s basically the dead-eyed posterbot of my waking nightmares:

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What’s Japanese for Train Wreck?
June 4, 2009

Yesterday, one of my co-workers sent me this e-mail:

e-mail

It should be noted that this is the co-worked who introduced us all to the dance magic that is Sara Carlson, so I immediately was optimistic.  Had he found Sara Carlson’s dance interpretation of the life of a Passion play?  Nope.  Even better.  It’s the straight-to-DVD revival of Brittany Murphy’s career.  The Ramen Girl, y’all:

Hot toddy!  Wouldn’t it have been more appropriate to just title this Japanese Cultural Fetish: The Movie?  Or Lost in Translation 2: Miso Sad ‘n Hungry?  Whatever.  This is a movie about Brittany Murphy learning to make schadenfreude soup with her tears of sadness because it’s her destiny (huh?).  Or at least that’s what the cat statue tells her (what?).  Riiiight.  

Was Brittany Murphy’s character high on something in the soup (mushrooms?  crack noodles?) that caused her to trip balls and devote her life to being a soupmonger?  Was the screenwriter high on something when they thought this was a story that needed to be told?  I’m personally betting it was weed because a movie all about ramen noodles is totally something a stoner would write.  That, or a movie all about Pillsbury Toaster Strudels.  

Whatever, I shouldn’t throw stones of bitchery because we all know what’s going to happen.  I don’t know how she does it, but Brittany Murphy sings the most irresistible siren’s song that always brings me crashing onto the jagged rocks of her bad movies.  It’ll probably be terrible, and I’ll probably hate myself for watching it, but at least I can safely say it’s not going to be as bad as Little Black Book.  Or Uptown Girls.  Really, if I can make it through the following mess, I can make it through anything:

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