Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Terribly Timely and Totally Irresponsible Recaps: OSCARS!
March 9, 2010

You know, it’s times like this that I wonder if I should’ve devoted Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner to something like cat farts as opposed to pop culture because it’s hard to over think three hours of cat farts; real talk: blogs about cat farts write themselves.  Blogs that try to recap  rather paint-by-numbers Oscar ceremonies?  Not so much.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not like last night’s Academy Awards ceremony was an interminable bore.  After all, the woman whom shall henceforth forever be known on the interwebz as “Lady Kanye” has us all talking about the Best Documentary Short win, which is a real coup for a category of movies I know to exist only because they continue to get awards every year; otherwise, I remain vaguely convinced documentary shorts are like the Sasquatch of cinema, but I digress.

My point is that the Oscars were totally fine in the way that a largely predictable three-and-a-half hour Hollywood circle jerk is totally fine, but Oscar party margaritas have a tendency to make most anything better, so if it was worse than just watching a bunch of people win  the same awards we’ve been seeing them win all awards season, I honestly wasn’t paying attention.  Anywho, this ping-pong-ball-sized kidney stone of a blog post ain’t gonna pass itself, so let’s take one last look back and throw out some patently irresponsible kudos and sassy finger snaps to a few of the more mentionable moments:

First off, kudos are certainly in order for Mo’nique.  I’ve heard her performance is excellent, and I might even one day be able to personally attest to that, but even those few moments they showed during the Oscars were enough to thoroughly disturb me, and I really don’t need any more fodder for my nightmares.  Particularly when the Oscars were already getting ad revenue from the ultimate nightmare fuel:

(more…)

I Don’t Get It. Is Inglourious Basterds a Bad Comedy?
February 12, 2009

Apparently this is what all the kids are talking about, so I guess I need to talk about it?  Inglourious Basterds is a movie, after all.  I’d rather not. This trailer does speak for itself, after all.

Really?  I haven’t seen war until I’ve seen it through Quentin Tarantino’s eyes?  ‘Cos his eyes look terrible.  It’s all bad Brad Pitt southern accents and exploitation levels of violence against Nazis because, as the trailer reminds us, “Nazis ain’t got no humanity.”  So much truth, Mr. Tarantino. You should write the definitive history book on the rise and fall of Nazi Germany.  After all, black-and-white conceptualizations of a complex historical moment are infinitely more accurate than the complicated moral ambiguity of having to sacrifice your humanity in order to safely live under a fascist regime.  Awful is the new shades of grey.  Duh.

Oh yeah, and Adolph Hitler was nothing more than a silly clown.  I forgot!

Admittedly, I’m not the biggest Tarantino person.  I find his personality, whenever he’s placed in front of a camera, to be as irritating as a diaper rash.  I’ve never seen Reservoir Dogs or Pulp Fiction, and I get that his whole schtick is a post-modern pastiche of various high- and low-genre film tropes.  That’s just fine.  The Kill Bill movies are an enjoyable and interesting kung-fu/western/women’s film mash-up anchored by an excellent Uma Thurman, a smartly self-aware script, and some wickedly violent black comedy.    Maybe it’s just a poorly constructed trailer, but Inglourious Basterds looks like it’s missing the mark in a RUH-ROH! sort of way.  

(more…)

%d bloggers like this: