Sadie Says, “You Can Do Anything”
April 25, 2011

While I recognize that this video’s apparently a few years old, Monday mornings are always the best time for adorable video affirmations, so who are you to really disagree? Take it away, Sadie:

I’m sorry, but if that doesn’t hit you like a roundhouse kick of cuteness and youthful optimism straight to your baby maker, either you’re helpless or my fake ovaries (fauxvaries, if you will) are acting up (blame it on the Coldplay poster) and channeling one of my favorite scenes from Mean Girls:

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This Trailer for Marmaduke Makes Me Reconsider My Thoughts on Gay Adoption, Babies in General
March 26, 2010

After all, if gays can’t adopt, then I won’t want a Gattaca mail order baby of my very own, which means I’ll never have to worry about listening to my kid throw a shit fit when I refuse to rent them Marmaduke.  Sure, the other soccer moms might think that makes me a pretentious bitch who’s unfit to raise a child, but take look at this mess and tell me I’m wrong:

Okay, I’ll admit that the part of me that loves train wrecks definitely did a this at the end of the trailer, but most of me just feels sorry for Lee Pace and Judy Greer and William H. Macy.  Sure, Ron Perlman and Steve Coogan are also much better than this, but at least they don’t have to show their faces, and Keifer Sutherland had the sage wisdom to leave this one off of his IMDB page.  Lee Pace and Judy Greer and William H. Macy have neither of those luxuries.  This makes me sad.

As for my fake ovaries, they’re quite happy to be fake right about now because for realsies:

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Hold on to Your Ovaries, ‘Cos Here’s a Baby Lamb Jumping Around a House
March 22, 2010

After watching this video, a part of me wants to rethink my feelings about lamb chops in the same way watching Babe always causes me to have a crisis of bacon.  While I recognize I wouldn’t make a particularly pleasant or even remotely successful vegetarian, it’s hard to not feel guilty about taking such pleasure in eating something so adorable.

But then I remember the lamb chops:

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Damn You Trailer for The Good Guy! Why Must You Exploit My Weaknesses as Well?
January 26, 2010

Well, given that it was just last night that Shmathan and I made plans to make Alexis Bledel’s quarter-life-crisis romcom Post Grad the next installment in Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Ladies of Leisure series, it seems only fitting that I now stumble upon another Alexis Bledel quarter-life-crisis romcom:

And while this poster’s totally fine, I have my doubts about the plot summary from ComingSoon.net:

Ambitious young Manhattanite and urban conservationist Beth (Alexis Bledel) wants it all: a good job, good friends, and a good guy to share the city with. Of course that last one is often the trickiest of all. In the new romantic dramedy, Beth falls hard for Tommy (Scott Porter), a sexy, young Wall Street hot-shot. But just as everything seems to be falling into place, complications arise in the form of Tommy’s sensitive and handsome co-worker Daniel (Bryan Greenberg). Beth soon learns that the game of love in the big city is a lot like Wall Street – high risk, high reward and everybody has an angle.

Look, I’ve nothing against another movie about white peoples’ problems.  Like any other white person, I know what it feels like when Trader Joe’s is out of your favorite flavor of organic yogurt (it feels TERRIBLE); and I’ve heard it’s totally a Sophie’s choice when two handsome, charming, successful guys are pursuing you.  Seriously, other than by the size of their junk, how do you rationally decide?

That said, this a movie about white people with problems who are also making shit tons of money on Wall Street, and I refuse to quell my populist rage against the financial machine just because Alexis Bledel wants to play a love game.  Unless you set those rich white people problems to swoony indie pop, in which case my easily manipulated imaginary ovaries are all over that shit.

Such is The Good Guy trailer, y’all:

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Leap Year Knows the Secret to My Heart/Fake Ovaries
November 16, 2009

Oh, dammit!  Amy Adams’s undeniably perky charm and Matthew Goode’s dreamboatalicious combination of scruff and blue eyes, WHY MUST YOU EXPLOIT ME SO?!?

Leap Year movie poster

Even in poster format, me and my inner teenage girl don’t stand a chance to your magnetic appeal. Even in poster form, I can see Leap Year for exactly the sort of rote, cliched romantic comedy filled with the same easy jokes and formulaic twists years and years and years of movies just like you have supplied eager audiences like me.  You may be entirely lacking the holy screwball trinity of Katherine Hepburn, Cary Grant, and a leopard named Baby; but I’m pretty certain that you and me and a pint of HäagenDazs vanilla swiss almond would make a perfectly suitable trifecta on a Saturday night.

And your trailer, Leap Year?  I’ve got freakin’ second sight with this:

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I Guess There Truly Is No Such Thing as a Stupid Question
August 8, 2009

Remember that one time at blog camp when I accepted the fact that I was going to see Post Grad because of its impressive trifecta of attractive male leads, excellent supporting cast members, and an infectious final song at the trailer’s end?  Sure, that song has elsewhere been described as mediocre, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t grab you by your ovaries (real or imaginary) and make you swell up with the sort of emotional angst and swooning romanticism that can only happen when your pop culture diet includes Josh-Schwartz-produced teen soap operas and the entirety of of Mandy Moore’s filmography.  Seriously, it’s the trailer song that just doesn’t quit (at turning you into an teenage girl):

Oh man, is it my heavy flow day for my wide-set vagina?  Nope, it’s just the inimitable sounds of Carolina Liar that have you rooting for Alexis Bledel to figure out her post-grad work situation and get her man.  That’s just how generipop works.

But, before I told you, I bet you too were asking yourself, “Just what the hell is that damn song in the Post Grad trailer?” when you first heard it.  I asked that question months ago and Shmathan quickly provided the answer.  Little did I know I’d apparently asked my first Hard-Hitting Question, a question that hits so hard that plenty of others (likely teenage girls) found themselves Googling the same question.  And so now there’s this:

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