Heidi Montag’s Sad Face is the New Face of Schadenfreude
June 2, 2009

Never in a million years would I consider watching something like I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!  I get that my pop culture eating would suggest I’ve the diet of a subway rat, but even I’ve gotta draw the line somewhere, and my line is Heidi Montag and her pet monster husband, Spencer Pratt.  Other than producing mind-meltingly awful (yet occasionally masochistically catchy) music, they’re pretty terrible human beings who’re famous simply for playing fake versions of themselves on The Hills.  They’ve no cultural value beyond being a prime example of shameless self-promotion at its narcissistic worst.  As such, it’s no surprise whatsoever that I take such pleasure in this image:

heidi montag schadenfreude

Apparently Heidi and Spencer a fit over being forced to slum it Survivor style, and this caused Heidi to have an on-camera breakdown.  Gawker has a clip of it, and it’s poetry in motion to be sure, but all I really need is this picture to get me through the day.  I’m going set it up as my wallpaper on my computer, and I’m going to print out a copy and laminate it and keep it in my wallet in case I ever need something to make me smile during my MTA commute.  I’ll paint a fresco of this picture, Sistine Chapel style, so I can wake up to this sublime beauty every morning.  Ben and Jerry’s needs to use this picture as inspiration for a new flavor called “Heidi’s Decadent Tears of Sorrow.”  I’m thinking black raspberry and sweet cream swirls with white chocolate tears, but that’s just me.   

This picture says so much about celebrity culture today, about the grotesque sense of entitlement and the monstrous egos that balloon because we allow the frequency of being written about in Us Weekly and blogged about on the internet–as opposed to being appreciated for an actual talent–to be the new barometer for being famous.  More importantly, this picture is like looking at that sort of “celebrity” fall into itself like a black hole of self-importance.  When you think about it, this picture’s a train wreck of the uglier impulses of the human condition.  A beautiful, beautiful train wreck.

Cheers to E! Online for the screen grab.

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