Wake Me When It’s Over: An Irresponsible Oscar Postscript
February 23, 2015

joan crawford oscars 1946

I’m not sure there’s anything to be said about last night’s Oscars that can’t be said by this picture of Joan Crawford asleep with her Oscar, which is to say: Zzzz.

It wasn’t that the Oscars were terrible. Patricia Arquette won, and she spoke about how to make the world a more just place. Julianne Moore won, and the world became a more just place. Neil Patrick Harris dutifully tried to keep some awfully regrettable material afloat. At least it wasn’t James Franco, part don’t. Lady Gaga’s Sound of Music melody was really great, even if it wasn’t performed in a bratwurst dirndl. And then there was John Travolta, who was killing it last nightpossibly literally. Seriously, if John Travolta asks you to help him move some furniture into a van, just tell him you’ve got a hunky masseuse appointment to attend and run, girl, run! He’ll totally understand.

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Fran Lebowitz: A Model Citizen
February 21, 2015

fran lebowitz

Brevity is the soul of wit, so I’ll let this Fran Lebowitz quote speak for itself.

[via Mash Notes]

 

TGIF! Now Here’s Two German Daddies and a Dog Singing U2
February 20, 2015

Much like the tale of Athena as writ for an issue of Twink Fancy, here are two German muscle daddies and their bulldog singing along to U2’s “With or Without You”, a video sprung forth from the imagination of aging queen quietly approaching his twilight appreciation for silken caftans and aged spaetzle.

Happy Friday, you old queens!

[via @U2 Blog]

 

 

Everybody Is a Critic…of Fifty Shades of Grey
February 19, 2015

fifty shades of grey poster nyc subway graffiti

I spotted this pithy critique en graffiti (a graffitique, if you will?) at the 23rd Street subway station, in the heart of the Chelsea gayborhood. It’s the end result of someone literally can’t even with Fifty Shades of Grey, but definitely can with a Sharpie. Guess they aren’t hot for contract law, either.

Oh, Chelsea: the library is closed, but the David Barton Gym is always open.

Praise the Lord for This GIF, Y’all!
November 1, 2013

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Well what in the world got into her holy ghost?

Now maybe I’m a little too touched by an angel (as played by Joan Crawford), but ooh girl, this GIF is takin’ me to church! It’s like somebody turned the water into wine and that wine into GRAVY! Praise the Lord and pass the biscuits, ‘cos I’m eating it up!

The power of Christ compels you…to clutch your pearls!!!

[GIF via queerrilla]

Oh Look! Here’s Ursula Reading Ender’s Game on the NYC Subway
October 31, 2013

ursula on the mta

You know, it’s like what I overheard some girl say later that same evening: “Well yeah, of course there’s f*cking people in costumes. It’s Halloween!”

Last Night, I Dreamt of Kim Novak’s Eyebrows…
July 12, 2013

kim BB&C

Oh, girl. Last night, I saw 1958’s Bell, Book and Candle for the very first time. It’s a bit of a trifle, but what a trifle it is! And it’s also apparently an allegory for pre-Stonewall homosexuality? Okay! Anyways, it’s about a witch who casts a spell on a publisher so he’ll fall in love with her. It stars Kim Novak as the witch and James Stewart as the publisher. Most importantly, though, it stars Kim Novak’s eyebrows as the world’s most clutch-your-pearls! perfect eyebrows. EVER:

Kim-Novak-Collection_DVD_R1_Disc2_Bell-Book_03215

DON’T YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?!?!? PERFECTION.

Separately, Kim Novak’s eyebrows are like two oversized, painted silk pillows of exquisitely arched exaggeration; together, they’re a plush velvet fainting chaise of eyebrow eleganza handcrafted to cradle my weary heart.

As paradigms shifted swishily, it seemed only reasonable I have a series of visceral reaction. Shock! Delight! Giggles! Vapors! Intrigue! Ecstasy! Obsession! Love. You know, FEELINGS.

I was certain but nothing could top this eyebrow high, this highbrow, if you will. But then, like the space scientists in Prometheus or dinner reservations at Guy Fieri’s Times Square restaurant, I was wrong. I was so wrong.

You see, last night, I dreamt of Kim Novak’s eyebrows.

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Well This Is Just the Best Cover of Katy Perry’s “Firework” Ever
October 3, 2012

No, really, we can agree right now that “Plastic Bag” is totally bonkers, and so naturally also the best. Everything from the obsessive repetition of a rather ridiculous lyric to all that Dancefloor Fierceness is marvelous, but the dress is what really makes this sublime. That dress is such glorious, arts-‘n-crafts hobo hotness that I simply can’t. Seriously, everybody can just shut it down with their Katy Perry covers, because this queen wins.

Much love to Vulture for this one.

Let’s All Watch the First Part of The Wil Show’s Big Brother Trilogy!
August 30, 2012

Sure, this first installment of The Wil Show’s Big Brother trilogy might be a little more value added if you’ve been obsessively following this latest season. Joe really does inexplicably yell in the diary room and have terrible, terrible facial hair and make up completely absurd lies. For realsies, he once claimed to have named I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. Also: UGH, Danielle. Just UGH! That all said, even if you haven’t been keeping up with this season, we can all appreciate Wil Heuser’s impressive contributions to nightmare drag:

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One More Time, With Squealing…
August 25, 2012

The problem with taking a break from moonlighting as a highly adored, internationally famous blogger is that you constantly have a gaggle of screaming fans begging you to go back to blogging. “Oh, how we miss you! Oh, how we need you!” their gaping maws craw like sickly orphans starved of camp, wit, and the “occasional” Showgirls reference.

Naturally, I’m may be exaggerating a tad seeing as:

  1. By gaggle of screaming fans, I mean two friends.
  2. By internationally famous, I mean One of them is from England.
  3. By highly adored, I mean sometimes my mother reads this, too.

Anyways, it’s become rather clear that my public (two friends and a mother…on occasion) needs me, and who am I to refuse? So, like the above photo of Joan Crawford returning to MGM Studios to film Torch Song, I too shall come back to the old fold. (This is nothing like that whatsoever, but let’s pretend.) Or, to mix iconic-camp-moment metaphors:

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30 Seconds of Slapping Begs an Important Question: Why Am I Not Watching Game of Thrones?
April 3, 2012

I haven’t the slightest context for any of this, but who cares? And more importantly: why in the world am I not watching Game of Thrones? Not only is Game of Thrones hard fantasy storytelling with crossover appeal, but it’s got Peter Dinklage bitch slapping the sass from some twink named Joffrey’s mouth. That doesn’t just say I should be watching; it screams it like a slut during last call at the d*ck buffet. Set my interest to STUNNED!

Much love to Buzzfeed for this one.

Shangela Sings “Pocket Full of Hawthornes”…for 10 Minutes!
March 30, 2012

I’ve got my body, got my lips, got my pocket full of Hawthornes! P-p-p-pocketful of Hawthrones! ))<>(( Forever 10 minutes. P-p-p-perfection.

In Honor of MDNA’s Release, Here’s a Really Great Music Video for Madonna’s “Girl Gone Wild”
March 28, 2012

At this point, it’s almost not even worth mentioning that Madonna’s MDNA came out earlier this week. After all, if you’re reading this, chances are either you or at least one of your friends is a friend of Dorothy, which means either you or at least one of your friends has spent the past few days sashaying up and down your Facebook News Feed with quips and comments about the new Madonna album. Simply put: WE KNOW ALREADY, QUEEN. Hell, I’d offer my own two cents, but Madonna has so much money she probably scoffs at small change like a bouquet of hydrangeas. Besides, the last album I shared my thoughts on was Christina Aguilera’s Bionic, and we all know how well that turned out.

ANYWAYS, this wouldn’t the blog it is without some sort of MDNA-related post (duh), so here’s a music video for Madonna’s latest single, “Girl Gone Wild.” It may not be the official video, but it probably should be:

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The Young Professionals Covered Lana Del Rey’s “Video Games”!
February 11, 2012

What do you get when Israel’s most fabulous electropop duo covers hipsterdom’s hardest working 1950’s-pinup-poster/hip-hop-video-girl drag act? Electropop magic, that’s what. So much magic that you might as well call this “Video Games” the next installment of Final Fantasy. (LoloUGH, sorry for that.)

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Joan Crawford! “Flashdance…What a Feeling”! Halleloo It’s Friday!
February 10, 2012

I’m sorry, maybe it’s the beast of a week I’ve had, or maybe just me being that queen (very likely), but this video is an utter and absolute delight! I mean, Irene Cara’s “Flashdance…What a Feeling”! Who doesn’t love that song? (Nobody.) And Joan Crawford dancing! Who doesn’t delight in Joan Crawford dancing? (Bette Davis, Christina Crawford, fools who refuse the imperative to dance.) My point is that this video’s as marvelous a salve to the week as it is a start to the weekend. And best of all:

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Sh*t Liza Minnelli Says!!!
January 11, 2012

ALERT THE AMPHIBIOUS SQUADRON QUEENS! At last, an iteration of this wildly exhausted “Shit Somebody or Another Says” meme for the rest of us, aka, those who can appreciate a rather uncanny Liza Minnelli impersonation, aka, not this one! Why, it’s so good  it gave me the dizzies! Now who wants some Moo Shu?

Much love to Best Week Ever by way of Vulture for this one.

Greg, the Flamboyant Kid on Curb Your Enthusiasm, Is the Best
September 30, 2011

I recognize that this clip is in fact a couple weeks old, but I only saw these clips from the Curb Your Enthusiasm season final last night, so don’t f*ck with me, fellas! This is only my third day back at the blog rodeo! (Blog lesson #187: When in doubt, reference Mommie Dearest.) Besides, I’ve got no words to convey just how wonderful—and wonderfully realized– a character Curb Your Enthusiasm‘s wildly flamboyant maybe-gay, Greg, is. Only blog love. In the form of all the gold stars:

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The Free Flexor For Men Is For Guys Who Like to “Exercise”
September 29, 2011

“Once you start to get that momentum swinging, it starts to go deep.”

–Another satisfied power bottom guy who likes to masturbate exercise.

Much love to Videogum for this one.

 

Terry Richardson Gives Us Liza With an “OMFG”
August 4, 2011

Terry Richardson shot the above image of Liza Minnelli for Love Magazine, and you all know I love me my Liza, so basically what I’m saying right now is, “I’ll take all the copies of Love Magazine, please!” Seriously, she may be sans sequins (“Say it ain’t so!”–This guy.), but Liza’s dropping some serious I-don’t-give-a-f*ck FACE while wearing a coat that looks like it’s made from her hair. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to excuse me ’til my eyeballs stop bleeding from all this GLAMOUR.

Anyways, in case that wasn’t enough for you (and really, how could it ever be? Liza glamour back and forth FOREVAH!), here’s another picture of Liza bringing so much piping hot hotness that I have to type this with oven mitts:

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Voldemort Really Loves Draco
August 1, 2011

Though probably not quite as much as Dumbledore loves Harry.

Much love to Buzzfeed for this one.

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