Voldemort Really Loves Draco
August 1, 2011

Though probably not quite as much as Dumbledore loves Harry.

Much love to Buzzfeed for this one.

Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Official Response to the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 Trailer
April 28, 2011

Seeing as it’s no secret over at this little corner of the interwebs that I love me some Harry Potter (interpret that as you will), I’ll spare you a voluminous amount of word vomit now that there’s a trailer for the concluding chapter of the film series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2. Suffice it to say, I’m not ready for it to be over (obviously), and I don’t know how I feel about the whole 3-D thing (can you blame me?), but whatever! I’m still so excited! How excited? Keep-me-away-from-your-birthday-cake excited! What? This kid knows what I’m talking about:


The Most Important Question Raised by the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Teaser Trailer
June 29, 2010

I recognize that this new trailer for the two-part Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows raises all sorts of questions.  For example, if you’ve never read any of the Harry Potter franchise, you might be asking yourself the following:

Or, if you’re like me, you’ll tell Sister Aloysious over there to go shove it up her habit and then try and figure out just how much you’re going to cry at the end of the movie.  (After all, “Am I going to cry?” is such a stupid, stupid question.)

ANYWAYS, I’m pretty sure one question–nay, the most important question!–we’re all asking ourselves after watching this trailer has nothing to do with cry-baby tears or self-aggrandizing promotion or whether or not really need to tell the story of Harry and Ron and Hermione wandering a forest over the course of two separate films.  No no, we’re all wondering what in the world is Hermione wearing in that one scene?  Which scene?  This scene:


Harry Potter and the Fan Video That Should Should Not Exist
February 12, 2010

I won’t bother going into the curious chain of events that lead me to scouring YouTube for Liz Phair’s ridiculously catchy and gloriously NSFW ode to a certain bodily fluid because I like to have a little mystery every once and a while.  Also, I’m not the one who used “H.W.C.” in their homoerotic Dumbledore fan video, so I shouldn’t have to explain myself right now:


I mean, on one hand, there’s this moment that reminds us why the internet is the best:


Well I’m Already Excited for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I
December 2, 2009

Yesterday, while some of us were making it our mission to speak out against the most recent developments in the robot apocalypse, the internet was getting its first taste of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I, which isn’t coming out ’til next November (which is like infinity in Harry-Potter-anticipation, but even more tediously long), so really, we’ll take whatever we can get:

Obviously the only thing this actually confirms about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I is that wizards appear to prefer layering in threes, while Muggles–such as the one to the left*–prefer the more minimalist two-layer approach.  Also, seeing as they’re in some sort of indoor complex that houses a cinema, my guess is that they’re in a mall.  Given that I remember Harry and Ron and Hermione spending plenty of time in a forest but none in any malls, I’m glad to know that David Yates and his crew are to keeping things fresh for the fans.  And by “fresh,” I mean possible shopping montage.  

Oh, and let’s not forget this tantalizing tidbit that ComingSoon.net reported along with the picture:


Harry Potter and the Half-Clothed Piece of Deliciousness
July 16, 2009

It’s been ages and ages since I read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and I’m hardly the sort of obsessive Potterophile that remembers each and every character name like I’m in charge of student enrollment at Hogwarts, so it is perhaps a given that I don’t remember who Cormac McLaggen was or what he did to have any sort of relevance in the narrative.  I forget plenty of trivial details, be it in the Harry Potter universe or the real one, and I’m pretty terrible with names as is, but there’s one thing that I do no forget, and that’s deliciousness.  Freddie Stroma, the actor who plays Cormac McLaggen in HPatHBP, is such deliciousness:

freddie stroma shirtless

I’d put something pithy in pink on this picture, but I can’t help but feel like I’d be defacing a work of art.  That, and it’s really hard to think of pithy things when it’s vapors-o-clock on the dreamboat express.  I don’t care that I already had every intention of seeing Half-Blood Prince, and I certainly don’t care that Freddie Stroma will indubitably be more clothed throughout the entirety of his role as Cormac McLaggen.  His impeccably chiseled features have me all sorts of more excited about one of the few summer movies I was already super excited about, and I’m pretty certain my eyeballs will explode when I see him on the Imax.  No more eyeballs is just the price one must pay to witness such beauty, and I’m totally fine with that.  

And speaking of no more eyeballs, just look at this video of him back in his underwear modeling days of last year and try to keep those bad boys in their sockets:


Benjamin’s Blogging Timeliness on Summer Holiday
July 12, 2009

Has it seemed curiously dark on your favorite blog stomping grounds?  Has the lack of pop culture bitchery and glittery flamboyance left you going through blog withdrawal, the waves of unimaginable chills only to be followed by prolonged sensations that nothing is ever going to be hysterically dissected by a cranky gay man EVER AGAIN?  If so, I’m sorry.  I’ve been busy:

summer vacation.jpg

Yes, in my grand tradition of perfect blog timeliness, I must admit that my parents have been visiting.  Since Thursday.  It’s been trips to see the lesser sights and sounds of New York City, and so many delicious meals made all the more delicious by the fact that I haven’t had to cover the tab.  And now, as Madonna has always said, we need a holiday, and this little lady’s off to Hampton Bay.

It’s a land without wi-fi or even the internet.  In short, I’m heading off to the Stone Age, but with adorable cabins.  Trust me, I suspect this’ll be harder for me than it is for you.  Fortunately, I’ll be back midweek, at which point the crazy gears will be well rested and the blog machine will be back in action for maximum ridiculousness.

In the mean time, I leave with a trailer for the second most exciting thing happening this week.  After, of course, my return:


Don’t Watch the New Harry Potter Trailer Unless You’ve Got Some Depends Handy
March 6, 2009

Are you all diapered up?  Okay then, let’s go:

Gah!  GAH!

Yeah, I’ve already watched this several times, but still: GAH!!!

I find it particularly dazzling that virtually any hint of the actual plot to Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is completely absent from this trailer; it almost plays like a teaser in terms of revealing any details about the narrative (memories, blah blah blah, Tom Riddle, blah blah blah, ask too much of Harry, blah blah FIN).  Instead, we get a whole bunch of visual flash to show off how hard they’ve been working on the effects for when Harry and Dumbledore use the Pensieve to view Voldemort’s old memories and when Death Eaters are attacking London, the latter which I don’t recall happening in the book, but I’m not about to start complaining, because that sequence looks AMAZING.

I love how this doesn’t even seem to be anything more than an overly glorified teaser trailer; it’s so light on narrative and heavy on effects that you have to wonder if this is Warner Brothers silently answering to the question of whether Half-Blood Prince‘s theatrical release was really pushed back from last November to this summer to work on effects and not the internet nerd speculation that execs were afraid the movie would be trounced by Twilight; if that’s the case, then well played, Warner Brothers.  

I’m glad you’ve genuinely used your additional EIGHT MONTHS (but I”m not counting) of post-production to ensure entire audiences can collectively crap their pants in awe from the totally glorious sensory overload.  Hopefully seeing this in IMAX 3D won’t cause your colon to literally fall out, though; that’d be terrible.

And who would’ve thought that David Yates, who primarily directed BBC shows before landing Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, would end up being such a total visual genius?  As the narrative of the series from the light-hearted fantastic of the early books to the darker anxieties and treacherous and violent gloom of the later books, Yates seems to be up to the task of crafting visuals that can be at once thrilling and threatening.  Seriously, Warner Brothers, so well played you deserve a golf clap.

Admittedly, it feels a bit strange to consider seeing a new Harry Potter movie two years after the release of the final book, as if we’re out of the zeitgeist and now in a time capsule.  Whatever.  I’m going back to watching that trailer now in anticipation of July 17th, y’all.  ‘Til then, I think we should all stock up on our adult-sized diapers.  Goodness knows we’ll need them.

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