Harry Potter and the Half-Clothed Piece of Deliciousness
July 16, 2009

It’s been ages and ages since I read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and I’m hardly the sort of obsessive Potterophile that remembers each and every character name like I’m in charge of student enrollment at Hogwarts, so it is perhaps a given that I don’t remember who Cormac McLaggen was or what he did to have any sort of relevance in the narrative.  I forget plenty of trivial details, be it in the Harry Potter universe or the real one, and I’m pretty terrible with names as is, but there’s one thing that I do no forget, and that’s deliciousness.  Freddie Stroma, the actor who plays Cormac McLaggen in HPatHBP, is such deliciousness:

freddie stroma shirtless

I’d put something pithy in pink on this picture, but I can’t help but feel like I’d be defacing a work of art.  That, and it’s really hard to think of pithy things when it’s vapors-o-clock on the dreamboat express.  I don’t care that I already had every intention of seeing Half-Blood Prince, and I certainly don’t care that Freddie Stroma will indubitably be more clothed throughout the entirety of his role as Cormac McLaggen.  His impeccably chiseled features have me all sorts of more excited about one of the few summer movies I was already super excited about, and I’m pretty certain my eyeballs will explode when I see him on the Imax.  No more eyeballs is just the price one must pay to witness such beauty, and I’m totally fine with that.  

And speaking of no more eyeballs, just look at this video of him back in his underwear modeling days of last year and try to keep those bad boys in their sockets:

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Oh Noes! I’ve Got a Bad Case of the Pre-Half-Blood Prince Jitters!
July 14, 2009

(It’s okay; it’s not lethal.  The one symptom to look out for, however, is prolific blog writing and subsequent abuse of your best friend’s offer to guest write for his blog.  That can be deadly!)

Hello fellow Hornerites! Welcome to my first guest column for “NPBiaH.”  I’m Parker, and I could tell you a bit about myself, but I’d rather just jump right into the proverbial fire.

In the summer of 2005, when George Lucas was wrapping up his Star Wars hot mess and four teen girls were sharing a pair of pants on the big screen, the biggest blockbuster was not in theatres across the country but rather in bookshops across the world.  No, this is not hyperbole.  This was, at the time, the largest release of a book, ever, brought to the world courtesy of one J.K. Rowling.  The penultimate book in her Harry Potter series benefited from a six-month pre-release hype, with bookstores promising to remain open until after midnight so that they could meet fans’ demand of devouring the book before anyone could possibly spoil it.  The enigmatic title (Who, or what, is the Half-Blood Prince?  What will this mean for Harry?) met speculation, along with the perennial unanswered questions that run throughout the book (Will Hermione finally snog Ron?  Will there be more Quidditch?  When will the final battle occur?  Will there be another large death in this book?  From, you know, an actual MAIN character this time?  Will Hedwig remain my favorite character, despite my hatred of birds?  Will Oliver Wood finally pop off the page and profess his love for me?).  From this point on in my review, put on your SPOILER glasses (AKA, don’t read anything after the jump if you have not read Half Blood Prince!)

HarryPotterHalfBloodPrinceBook

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Benjamin’s Blogging Timeliness on Summer Holiday
July 12, 2009

Has it seemed curiously dark on your favorite blog stomping grounds?  Has the lack of pop culture bitchery and glittery flamboyance left you going through blog withdrawal, the waves of unimaginable chills only to be followed by prolonged sensations that nothing is ever going to be hysterically dissected by a cranky gay man EVER AGAIN?  If so, I’m sorry.  I’ve been busy:

summer vacation.jpg

Yes, in my grand tradition of perfect blog timeliness, I must admit that my parents have been visiting.  Since Thursday.  It’s been trips to see the lesser sights and sounds of New York City, and so many delicious meals made all the more delicious by the fact that I haven’t had to cover the tab.  And now, as Madonna has always said, we need a holiday, and this little lady’s off to Hampton Bay.

It’s a land without wi-fi or even the internet.  In short, I’m heading off to the Stone Age, but with adorable cabins.  Trust me, I suspect this’ll be harder for me than it is for you.  Fortunately, I’ll be back midweek, at which point the crazy gears will be well rested and the blog machine will be back in action for maximum ridiculousness.

In the mean time, I leave with a trailer for the second most exciting thing happening this week.  After, of course, my return:

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