OMGina!!! Here’s Gina Gershon Singing “I’m So Excited” on Glee
February 25, 2015

gina gershon glee i'm so excited

I’d bother offering some context for this clip from last week’s Glee, but then I’d have to admit I’ve been watching the never-ending bath salt nightmare of a South Florida theater kid, so shhhhh. All that matters is that Gina Gershon showed up to play Blaine’s mother, and–more importantly–she was joined by Jennifer Coolidge (!!!), Gloria Estefan (!?!), and a Suze Orman’s Midwestern dopplegänger (…) to sing the Pointer Sisters classic “I’m So Excited” (.gif .gif .gif):

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What Do You Mean, Everything That’s “Wrong” With Showgirls?!?
February 11, 2015

The “problem” with being a pathological Showgirls obsessive with a blog (such as myself) is that you don’t get very many legitimate reasons to write about Showgirls. We don’t live in a world that finds new ways on the daily to celebrate Paul Verhoeven’s timeless gesamtkunstwerk (I know, UNFORTUNATELY), so mostly you’re left making Showgirls references. Lots…and lots…of Showgirls references. It’s a charmed life, for sure, but one perhaps grasping (if not gasping) for relevance.

So it’s definitely a day for celebration when the good folks at CinemaSins make an “Everything Wrong With” video about the greatest thing to happen to the cinema since Mary Pickford sliced bread! Hooray, Showgirls is relevant again! (“Manage your expectations, queen” – Everybody else.)

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“A Long Day’s Journey Into Cristal Connors” or: Let’s Watch This Hot Guy Work Some Drag Magic
July 8, 2011

If you told me that the guy above could go from hot bearded hipster gay (heyyyy) to the ravishing bitch and all-around rolemodel below:

My second response would be “I call your bluff.” (My first response would be “DON’T TOUCH THAT BEARD!!!”) I’m hardly saying it’d be impossible, but it’ll definitely take commitment. My clown lesbian fright drag Liza Minnelli is proof positive, y’all.

ANYWAYS, here’s a video of said bluff being called. It’s kinda NSFW on account of all the boobs, but this Showgirls we’re talking about, so tell your boss it’s ART. “A Long Day’s Journey Into Cristal Connors”:

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Showgirls 2? There’s Going to Be a SHOWGIRLS 2?!?
October 8, 2009

Anyone who knows me or has spent any time with this blog is well aware of how I feel about a certain cinematic masterstroke:

showgirls best movie of all time ever

Sure, I imagine that every time I fall into some tangent extolling the virtues of this classic of classics, my mother rolls her eyes and wonders how I could ever love such garbage.  Garbage like this:

Based on the above clip, however, I believe the more important question is “How could you not love such garbage?”  Seriously, Showgirls, you had me at “DIFFERENT PLACES!”

Anywhosie, there’s now a rumor circulating all over the internet about a sequel to Showgirls, and though I honestly am inclined to call shenanigans, we still need to talk about this like it’s chips and nails.

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Fact: Saved by the Bell Is the Second Most Important 90s Pop Culture Reunion
June 11, 2009

For many of my generation (myself included), Saved by the Bell stands as a pop culture touchstone.  Like Scott Baio in Charles in Charge, the constant excuses to strip Zack and Slater of there shirts was really just an excuse to teach young girls and gay boys the joys of objectifying the male form, and of course there’s also those unforgettable episodes.  Who doesn’t remember the day they found oil under the Bayside High football field, or when Jessie was so excited yet so scared, or the way Screech forever pined after Lisa Turtle, or that time the lesbian replaced Kelly and Jessie:

Tori8

Remember her?  Such a lesbian.  But an iconic lezzie, to be sure.  My point is that everybody (of a certain generation) loves Saved by the Bell.

Particularly Jimmy Fallon.

He’s been trying to organize a Saved by the Bell reunion in a desperate bid for late-night relevancy an effort to listen to the hopes and dreams of a generation.  It’s been gradually gaining steam, particularly with Mark Paul Gosselaar’s recent in-character appearance as Zack Morris.  Seriously, the interwebs went crazy for that clip, but of course the real story got buried beneath all the hoopla over the nostalgia for giant early-90s cell phones and frosted tips: Elizabeth Berkley’s confirmed that she too shall take part in the Saved by the Bell reunion!  That’s exciting, but I think we know what we all really need:

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This Viral Marketing Campaign Seals the Deal: I Absolutely Must See Obsessed on Opening Night
April 2, 2009

It’s no secret that I can’t wait to see Obsessed.  I’ve long enjoyed watching Ali Larter since her days in The House on Haunted Hill and Final Destination, and I’m quite serious that I believe this movie will make her a camp icon for a generation of the gays.  She’s like the Gina Gershon to Beyonce’s Elizabeth Berkley.  Now theres a new viral marketing campaign for the movie, Get Obsessed With Ali, and it’s totally set my camp sensors off.

All you do is upload a photo, answer a few simple questions from a list of preselected answers, and then the site generates a personal message from Ali’s totally crazy stalker character, Lisa.  It’s so simple, I can even do it:

obsessed-with-ali1

Ruh-roh!  Looks like Ali Larter’s my batshit insane stalkerriffic fag hag!  I hate it when that happens (I’m totally lying when I say that).

Beyond simply being a total pleasure to watch Ali’s eyes burn like a the flaming pyre of a warehouse of Levi’s bootcut crazy jeans burning to the ground, the ending is an absolute LOL-bomb, y’all.  Make sure you’ve just peed before you you make your own Get Obsessed With Ali video; you might otherwise wet yourself.

If this site is any indication, then Obsessed is well aware of the trashopalooza that it is.  April 24th will clearly be the campiest day of this month, and I’m painfully giddy in anticipation.  You should be too.

I Don’t Get It. Is Inglourious Basterds a Bad Comedy?
February 12, 2009

Apparently this is what all the kids are talking about, so I guess I need to talk about it?  Inglourious Basterds is a movie, after all.  I’d rather not. This trailer does speak for itself, after all.

Really?  I haven’t seen war until I’ve seen it through Quentin Tarantino’s eyes?  ‘Cos his eyes look terrible.  It’s all bad Brad Pitt southern accents and exploitation levels of violence against Nazis because, as the trailer reminds us, “Nazis ain’t got no humanity.”  So much truth, Mr. Tarantino. You should write the definitive history book on the rise and fall of Nazi Germany.  After all, black-and-white conceptualizations of a complex historical moment are infinitely more accurate than the complicated moral ambiguity of having to sacrifice your humanity in order to safely live under a fascist regime.  Awful is the new shades of grey.  Duh.

Oh yeah, and Adolph Hitler was nothing more than a silly clown.  I forgot!

Admittedly, I’m not the biggest Tarantino person.  I find his personality, whenever he’s placed in front of a camera, to be as irritating as a diaper rash.  I’ve never seen Reservoir Dogs or Pulp Fiction, and I get that his whole schtick is a post-modern pastiche of various high- and low-genre film tropes.  That’s just fine.  The Kill Bill movies are an enjoyable and interesting kung-fu/western/women’s film mash-up anchored by an excellent Uma Thurman, a smartly self-aware script, and some wickedly violent black comedy.    Maybe it’s just a poorly constructed trailer, but Inglourious Basterds looks like it’s missing the mark in a RUH-ROH! sort of way.  

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