The New Trailer for the Remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street Is Almost Perfect. I Said ALMOST.
February 25, 2010

After months of anticipation and a near stint at streetwalking, we’ve finally been blessed with a new trailer for the new A Nightmare on Elm Street.  So let’s all put down those ho boots and wipe off that lipstick and watch this thing:

I don’t want to sound like an ungrateful bitch or anything, but really?  Stop being mean, New Line Cinema!  This isn’t a trailer; it’s a cruel two-and-a-half-minute assault on my last fraying strand of patience.  I mean, my old-fashioned ass may prefer Wes Craven’s use of practical effects to have Freddy come through the wall:

Over this:

But I’m not going to shed crybaby tears over the CGI because then I might as well just be saying, “Wah, I’m OLD.”  The fact is that I love everything about this trailer except for the whole waiting two more months part.  That part’s the worst.

Like I said, though, no crybaby tears.  Mostly because the film’s look is winning me over, and Jackie Earle Haley’s Freddy Krueger is seriously freaking my shit out.  But let’s not lie.  There’s also this incentive to see the new A Nightmare on Elm Street:

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At Last! My Hopes for a New Nightmare on Elm Street Remake Trailer Have Been Answered. Sorta
February 23, 2010

Out of respect to the small yet loyal blog audience that regularly indulges my crazy, I’ve avoided incessantly rants about my increasingly impatient yearning for a new trailer for the remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street.  Why?  Because even I’m aware of how much that would start to drag ass.  

That said, ever since the teaser trailer showed up last fall and made me change my mind about this whole affair, I’ve been hungry for more, and now we’re two months from its release without any news of another trailer in sight, which means I’ve been a hot second away from turning tricks on the street corner for even a little Nightmare on Elm Street remake somethin’ somethin’.

Fortunately for my sense of dignity and everyone else’s eyes, ComingSoon.net has a quick fix in the form of a new teaser poster:

nightmare on elm street remake teaser poster 2

Sure, this is basically the first teaser poster except now it’s all about Face whereas before it was about Glove, but you know what?  I’ll take it.  Desperate times call for desperate measures, y’all.  Particularly when fishnets and hooker heels really aren’t your best look.  

Oh, and while we’re at it, ShockTillYouDrop.com has gathered some new promo stills from over at MovieGod.de.  Let’s go take a peek and see what we can figure out:

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I’m Already Underwhelmed by the Nightmare on Elm Street Remake
July 24, 2009

It’s Friday.  Barely anybody’s in the office at work on account of summer Friday, and the phones are hardly ringing for the very same reason.  Added to that, I’ve already gorged on McDonald’s for breakfast, and I plan on devouring a Cosi tuna melt for lunch.  Oh, and the highly anticipated  (by me) ridicufest that is Orphan is out today.  You would think that, what with this perfect storm of things that make me happy, I could put my bitchery stew on the back burner for a day.  Hahahaha, NEVER.  The bitchery stew never stops cooking, y’all.  Somedays it’s just spicier than others.

That all said, I must admit that my initial fury of the Nightmare on Elm Street remake has lessened as I’ve come to accept three things: This remake is going to happen no matter how much I detest its existence, Jackie Earle Haley is pretty much the best person to play Freddy Kruger, and I’m going to end up seeing this movie no matter how bad the reviews are.  I simply can’t be bothered to learn from my mistakes.  

And at long last, the first image of Haley’s Freddy Kruger has finally wandered its way onto the internet, but you know what?  Meh:

nightmare on meh street

I really want to be enthusiastic about because this movie doesn’t have to suck.  Hell, done right, it’s entirely possible it could be good!  But this doesn’t really look good.  Don’t get me wrong, Jackie Earle Haley will probably be a great Freddy Krueger, but I personally feel that the iconic look of the striped sweater and fedora belong to Robert Englund.  As far as I’m concerned, if you’re going to replace him, you need to reinvent the look as well.  

I’m not saying Hollywood needs to abandon the whole look and start from scratch, but this feels entirely too safe.  It doesn’t look like Jackie Earle Haley is creating a new Freddy Krueger; it just looks like he’s dressing up for Halloween in an outfit he borrowed from Robert Englund.  I get that hoping for a little artistic originality from a remake, let alone a remake produced by Michael Bay, is a foolish hope; nevertheless, I was at least expecting something a little more imaginative and a little less like a shoddy bootleg of the original.  Something, in short, like this:

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