I’m really serious. This is a real artist with a real song and a real video that’s playing in France to help sell razors specifically marketed to shave your va-jay-jay. Thank goodness my grasp of the French language has almost completely deteriorated since graduating college; otherwise, I suspect my ear’s might start bleeding from this dance-pop ode to shaping the perfect landing strip. Trust me, the visuals alone are insane enough to riddle your brain with questions:
Is this brilliant synergy or a sign of Western civilization’s impending cultural apocalypse? Is the “garden party” the 21st-century version of the Tupperware Party? Who thought this was a good idea? Is Simone elle est bonne supposed to be the French version of Lady Gaga?
I really have no answers. None at all. Although I’ll say this much: it reminds me of the time I was in the south of France for a study abroad and I thought that the waiter at a restaurant we were dining at one evening was staring me down with I-will-be-your-study-abroad-French-lover eyes. So of course I had to send my friend over to ask what was going on. I would have asked myself, but the Amélie-esque fantasies of him whisking me away on his moped to get croque-madames and lemon tarts at his favorite cafe had rendered me incapable of properly speaking English, let alone French. None of this mattered, though, because wasn’t gay; he’s just French, so he gets that all the time (probably from American tourists)! Whoopsies!
And, really, that’s the lesson of “Ma Garden Party,” y’all. It’s just French. French culture is so hermetically sealed from the rest of reality that any attempts to evaluate its pop culture indubitably ends in failure if you’re not sitting around sipping an espresso with a beret on your head and a baguette in your hand. This is not a bad thing at all. It’s just a thing that makes you frequently go “huh?”
Added to that, the high proliferation of Frenchness that is exuding from this video completely shutting down my Gaydar, so I can’t even begin to discuss the camp value of this video. I frankly don’t understand this at all, but then again, I’m not French; I’m just gay. Don’t worry, though, I get that all the time.