TGIF! Now Here’s the Current State of the U.S. Political Conversation
March 4, 2016

In case you missed it (and you know missed it), Donald Trump took a moment out of last night’s Republican Debate on Fox News to talk about his penis, which he guarantees “there’s no problem.” This all came about, mind you, after Marco Rubio apparently made a comment about Donald Trump having small hands, which he inferred meant other things were small, too. I see you, Rubio, you shady queen. The crowd ate it up like it was an all-you-can-eat sausage buffet, which I guess makes the Republican constituency a Samantha. Dickalicious, indeed.

Since I only understand things in terms of Showgirls references, I did a Google search for the line “She looks better than a ten inch dick and you know it.” I’d have settled for a GIF of Henrietta Bazoom to drop into this post, but instead I found the safe-for-work image results of a whole lotta not-Showgirls and lo-and-behold I sh*t you not our two new friends:

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Calm It Down, Shep Smith. It’s Only a Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger
October 9, 2009

Now this is what I’m talking about:

krispykremeburger

Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburgers.  Just beholding this heavenly beauty raises my cholesterol level threefold, and I mean that as a compliment.  I know that this is the sort of gastronomic nightmare that I could make from the comfort of my own home, but I can’t imagine it coming out half as delicious as the gutbombs in this picture look.  And it’s best I keep telling myself that for fear of actually making one.  One day I’m making Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburgers, and the next day I’m freebasing them.  It’s a slippery slope like that.

Of course, one man’s paradise is another man’s Hell on Earth, and so it’s with great pleasure that I introduce to you Shep Smith, my arch-nemesis in all things scrumptious:

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