Here’s a Joan Crawford Fan Video Set to Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep”
December 14, 2012

Sure, this is a bowl of gravy and a pint of Bugle Blast and a playlist consisting solely of “Someone Like You” away from a three-hanky PUT-DOWN-THAT-SPOON! intervention (Betty Draper, er, Francis knows what we’re talking about); and yes, Adele has been such a pop-zeitgeist omnipresence that we’re all probably rolling in the fatigue (BOOM! See what I did there?); but whatever.  I’ll take any chance I get to honor Joan Crawford’s perfectly-framed-by-shadows-single-tear sorrows, so pull up a chair and hand me a spoon, ‘cos this video’s giving me a case of the feelings.

Five Lost Fan Videos That Would Make the Internet a Better Place
May 20, 2010

UGH.  I hate to make like a broken record, y’all, but for realsies:

I can already feel early onset withdrawal coming on, and boy is it bleak.  It’s so bad that I’ve had to work extra hard on my shimmies to help balance out the shakes, and I’ve had to buy myself industrial strength spoons to make sure I don’t accidentally swallow my tongue in the process.  Like I said, bleak.

Anyways, the one upside to being such a human train wreck is that it’s gotten me thinking about Lost fan videos, or–to be more specific–the lack of Lost fan videos.  Seriously, the internet is a bastion for all of us nerds with too much time on our hands to obsess over things like Lost, or which image should come next in their YouTube Miley Cyrus fan video slide show.  Sadly for me, I’m too technologically incompetent to know how to make or even upload a YouTube video.  Hell, I can barely make a gif, and I have to write up all my blog posts on a typewriter and then have have a 15-year-old transcribe them into C++ (that’s how it works, right?), because the interwebs are for the young and I am OLD.  My point is, I’ve come up with a list of Lost fan videos that I think should happen, and I think we, the internet, need to make them happen.  For example:

Song: U2’s “No Line on the Horizon”

Why: U2’s ambient rock hymn to a “girl who’s like the sea” is transformed into one fan’s ode to the mysteries of the island itself.  The lines “Time is irrelevant/It’s not linear” take on a whole new meaning that encapsulates the time-shifting experience Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse have crafted over the course of six seasons.  On the down side, though, there’s no mention of narrative meandering, inexplicably dropped plot threads, or a last-act explanation of “Your questions lead to more questions, so here is a cave of golden light.”

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Here’s a Fan-Made Promo to Remind Us What Life After the Lost Series Finale’s Going to Be Like
May 5, 2010

Last night, I was forced to confront YET AGAIN how much I’m really ready for this:

Seriously, it’s been six glorious, occasionally frustrating years with the survivors of the Oceanic Flight 815 crash, and I for one am not ready to get off that rapidly derailing crazy train.  For example, at a certain point last night, a certain thing happened and *SPOILER ALERT* I cried like a dirty bitch because I realized that Lost really is coming to a close.  The end is near, y’all, which means some of our questions if we’re lucky everything will be answered, and while that’s terribly exciting in so many ways, I haven’t yet come to grips with the reality that soon enough I won’t have anything on TV to bark “WHAAAT?!?” at in utter shock and confusion.  At least nothing that doesn’t air on Fox News or the Playboy Channel.

Anyways, ABC recently ran a contest for fans to submit promos for the series finale, and while I’m pretty sure the most confusing Lost mystery to date is how this one didn’t win, I’m extremely confident that this video is what life will look like after the Lost series finale:

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Iron Man Has the Time of His Life
April 22, 2010

Seeing as Dirty Dancing is responsible for this little corner of the internet’s nom de blog, and seeing as I–like every other hot-blooded nerd–am eagerly awaiting Iron Man 2, I’m all but bound by blogligation to post the Iron Man/Dirty Dancing mash-up because:

A) Those are the rules, and

B) According to this video’s description, “Iron Man and ACDC make any film better!! 😉

So even though I’ve no idea what to do with this thing, let’s do this thing all the same:

Huh.  Well, that happened.  And now that it’s happened, let’s all pretend like it didn’t, shall we?

Yes, let’s.

Cheers to Videogum for pointing me towards EPICponyz for this nugget of insanity.

Hot Chip’s “She Wolf” Is Your New Favorite Disco Fabulous Gay Robot Cover of a Shakira Song
April 16, 2010

While I can admit without reservation that I love me some “She Wolf” by Shakira, I’m also quite suspect of anything that even resembles a robot because you can’t have a horrific robot apocalypse without robots.  Thankfully for us, Hot Chip is a band composed of actual people (so they say), and their cover of Shakira’s “She Wolf” merely sounds like robots.  Dazzling disco drag queen robots to be precise.  And even though the interwebs have sadly yet to bless us with a shot-for-shot remake of the Shakira video starring a tranny robot, they’ve been kind enough to give us this fan video, which is…I don’t even know what it is:

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Harry Potter and the Fan Video That Should Should Not Exist
February 12, 2010

I won’t bother going into the curious chain of events that lead me to scouring YouTube for Liz Phair’s ridiculously catchy and gloriously NSFW ode to a certain bodily fluid because I like to have a little mystery every once and a while.  Also, I’m not the one who used “H.W.C.” in their homoerotic Dumbledore fan video, so I shouldn’t have to explain myself right now:

Yikes.

I mean, on one hand, there’s this moment that reminds us why the internet is the best:

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TGIF! Now Here’s the New Video for Lady Gaga’s “Telephone”
February 5, 2010

Obviously, this video is perfection.  Particularly the part when their outfits at the end of the video at various points remind me of Cyclops and Phoenix from X-Men and Katana from Mortal Kombat II, but I’m a nerd like that.

Oh, and as Lady Gaga would say: God bless the gays.

Much love to Queerty for this one.

Hollywood: Put This Fan-Made 2012 Trailer in Theaters and You Will Sell All the Tickets
July 8, 2009

It’s still months away, but the excitement continues on:

2012 so excited

For realsies.  Whenever I so much as think about Roland Emmerich’s cinematic masterpiece of 110% visionary CGI craziness that will be  2012, I feel like a woman on the receiving end of terrible sex (which we all know helps keep you parents alive), and all I want to do is scream, “Can’t you just come already?”  And, of course, today has to just be another nail in my impatience grave.

Here’s a fan-made trailer for 2012 that reenvisions the film as another entry in the 70s disaster film trend, and then it ups the ante by deliberately reveling in the absurdity of the film’s numerous plot points.  I suggest watching it with a pair of adult diapers because it’s quite likely you’ll LOL your pants:

I’m quite well aware that this video is intended to satirize and revel in the fact that the plot points of action sequences of 2012 are nothing more than utter ridiculousness run amok.  I got it, y’all.  I wasn’t born in the obvious barn yesterday; nevertheless, aren’t you now infinitely more excited about seeing a movie for which your excitement was already approaching infinity (yes, that’s a math joke; yes, i’m a nerd)?  I know I am.

Quite frankly, Hollywood should take notes and start marketing their movies more like this.  Given how disastrous (pun for once actually not intended) most movies actually are, it’d be lovely to see the Studios quit with the snake oil sales pitches and just honestly sell us the garbage just as it is.

Then again, if you watch the official trailer again (even though I know you’ve watched it enough times to have it memorized), it seems pretty clear that Columbia knows exactly what they’re selling us:

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You Cannot Take the Gay Out of Lady Gaga
April 9, 2009

At best, you can make her sound like she’s going to be the song they play on the ending montage of a Gossip Girl episode:

The music says, “I’m sensitive and hurting; xoxo, you know you love me, now please give me a hug.”  I can just see Dan/Chuck/Blair/Nate/whoever walking contemplatively in the dark streets of New York while this song plays.  Serena will claim she’s killed someone yet again because she just had to shine, Kristen Bell will have a pithy and pun-laden monologue, and we’ll cut to Jenny making the saddest of raccoon eyes at her sewing machine.  Seriously, this song is just like listening to All American Rejects.  If All American Rejects were fronted by a woman who behaves drag queen.  

And what of “Just Dance”?  Oh, you’ve no idea.  If you you mix Lady Gaga and heavy metal, you’ve got a recipe for head explosions:

Is that not the best?  I really think it’s the best.  The font suggests Slipknot, but those hand claps positively scream 1980s Madonna.  Perhaps I’m wrong, but the hand claps take “Just Dance” to an entirely new stratosphere of homosexuality.    You’ve outdone Lady Gaga, sir.  Well played.

I can’t even imagine what’ll happen when “LoveGame” gets reworked in this fashion.  Lady Gaga’s Homo-Force is so strong that the internet just might break from that insanity.  The word “discostick” is not meant to encounter with death metal guitars, but–like the hadron collider–it must be done.

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