Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland Is Going to Be Out of Control Amazing
December 16, 2009

I’ll be completely frank: even though I previously had my doubts about Tim Burton’s latest, the reality is that I never needed this past summer’s face-meltingly fantastic teaser trailer to get me excited about his upcoming Alice and Wonderland.  No no, this image is far more than necessary:

SOLD!!!  This image has three things that I unabashedly love: overly-ornate-to-the-point-of-camp costume details (it’s a gay thing), Anne Hathaway (also a gay thing), and killer red lipstick (it’s a Black Narcissus thing; so, in other words, yet another gay thing).  People of a more discerning taste would likely only have their interests raised by such and image, but people of a more discerning taste would probably steer clear of such cinematic gems as Powder Blue and Orphan, so why would I want to associate with those people?  Those people sound like such assholes.

All digressions aside, it’s safe to say that Alice in Wonderland‘s latest trailer will have even people of a more discerning taste excited because–quite honestly–it’s as though Disney just kept throwing money at Tim Burton to ride his crazy train ’til he reached Bonkerstown, which is to say that it looks totall awesome.  Just look at this beaut:


Things That Should Not Exist: The LEGO Movie
August 12, 2009

Well, I’ve long suspected it, but now I’ve absolutely no doubt about it:

hollywood officially the worst

I read this morning on ComingSoon.net that there’s going to be a LEGO movie.  Yes, you read that correctly: A movie based on LEGOs.  There’s an even longer piece in Variety about it, so you just know this isn’t a nightmare from which you’ll eventually awake.

I don’t even know where to begin with this bullshit, so here are some details to make you lose faith in humanity: 

Dan and Kevin Hageman are writing the script for the family comedy that will mix live action and animation. The studio is keeping the plot tightly under wraps, but it’s described as an action adventure set in a LEGO world.

Dan Lin (upcoming Shorts and Sherlock Holmes) will produce the movie through his Lin Pictures, which is also behind a Tom and Jerry film that will put the feuding animated characters in a live-action setting.

LEGO sparked to Lin and the Hageman brothers’ embrace of core values LEGO wanted to include in a film, especially “a fun factor, creativity and that imagination has no boundaries,” Lin said.

It’s ironic because the “core values” of LEGO are apparently “creativity and…imagination,” yet a movie about LEGOs suggests that creativity and imagination are more elusive to Hollywood than orgasms were to ’50s housewives.  Mad Men taught me that.


I Want to Go to There
March 19, 2009

When I was young, I remember thinking that Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs was some sort of vision of Eden, and the townspeople’s exodus at the end made no sense to me.  I guess downpours of giant pancakes and such is somewhat apocalyptic, and by apocalyptic, I mean amazing.  Just build your fallout shelters and go scavenging between storms, you wimps.  That’s what I’d do, at least.  Duh.

And, much to my extremely pleasant surprise, Hollywood appears to competently adapting this holiest of holy texts:

That movie is going to make me insanely hungry when I watch it, so that’s bad; but I’m totally loving the look of this movie (particularly those trippy colors in the rain clouds) and the fact that it’ll be 3-D, so that’s good.  While it might perhaps be odd and/or creepy for a man in his mid-twenties to see Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs by himself (because he can’t convince anyone to see it with him), I really don’t care.  This movie looks awesome.

If they include a scratch and sniff card with it, this movie be the best.  Or pancakes.  That trailer’s really got me craving pancakes like I’m pregnant with triplets.

Thanks to Pajiba for posting the existence of this wonder.

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