Emma Stone in “I Broke My Arm” Is My New Digital Short Hotness
October 27, 2010

“Natalie Raps” is the SNL Digital Short where Natalie Portman plays a hardcore bitch version of herself who spits rhymes like “I bust in dudes’ mouths like Gushers, motherf****r” while sporting a fetching and slightly lesbionic ‘do.  This just so happens to be a winning recipe for Digital Short love when you–like me–frequently suffer from debilitating levels of homosexuality; or, as they call it in the medical community, Too Gay to Function Syndrome (TGTFS).  Whatever, I digress.  My point is “Natalie Raps” used to be my favorite Digital Short, but that was before Emma Stone was on this past week’s Saturday Night Live, and did you hear the news?  She broke her arm when she slipped and fell on some sticky grape jelly:

Ew.

Seriously, maybe it’s just me and my love of the bizarre and the batshit insane,  but I think “I Broke My Arm” is so great that you should watch it right now if you haven’t already, and if you’ve already watched it, THEN LET’S GO WATCH IT AGAIN:

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Oh man, wasn’t that great?  Like, totally the greatest, right?  Of course it was.  All of it, obviously, but particularly this part:

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This Trailer for Marmaduke Makes Me Reconsider My Thoughts on Gay Adoption, Babies in General
March 26, 2010

After all, if gays can’t adopt, then I won’t want a Gattaca mail order baby of my very own, which means I’ll never have to worry about listening to my kid throw a shit fit when I refuse to rent them Marmaduke.  Sure, the other soccer moms might think that makes me a pretentious bitch who’s unfit to raise a child, but take look at this mess and tell me I’m wrong:

Okay, I’ll admit that the part of me that loves train wrecks definitely did a this at the end of the trailer, but most of me just feels sorry for Lee Pace and Judy Greer and William H. Macy.  Sure, Ron Perlman and Steve Coogan are also much better than this, but at least they don’t have to show their faces, and Keifer Sutherland had the sage wisdom to leave this one off of his IMDB page.  Lee Pace and Judy Greer and William H. Macy have neither of those luxuries.  This makes me sad.

As for my fake ovaries, they’re quite happy to be fake right about now because for realsies:

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