This Krispy Kreme Hot Dog Is Not an April Fools’ Joke, Y’all
April 1, 2015

krispy kreme hot dog I repeat: this Krispy Kreme Hot Dog is not an April Fools’ joke, y’all. It is a cross-promotion between the New Castle Krispy Kreme and the Wilmington Blue Rocks, a minor league baseball team in Wilmington, Delaware. The Krispy Kreme Hot Dog is a hot dog covered in bacon, drizzled with raspberry jam, and served inside a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

It’s “a new chapter in ballpark concessions”, and that chapter is titled “Sweet Jesus.” It’s a reminder that there is no crying in baseball, but there is an ever-present threat of cardiac arrest. It’s a desperate howl from the monster mouth of a national pastime gone awry. The Krispy Kreme Hot Dog is why you’re Shaq fat, America, and it’s why I wish I knew how to quit you: (more…)

TGIF! Now Here’s a Valentine I Made for the Hopelessly Single Person in Your Life
February 12, 2010


I think you’ll agree that the macaroni’s the finishing touch that really says, “I love you because I made this myself.”  Even though you didn’t, which probably means you don’t.

Calm It Down, Shep Smith. It’s Only a Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger
October 9, 2009

Now this is what I’m talking about:

krispykremeburger

Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburgers.  Just beholding this heavenly beauty raises my cholesterol level threefold, and I mean that as a compliment.  I know that this is the sort of gastronomic nightmare that I could make from the comfort of my own home, but I can’t imagine it coming out half as delicious as the gutbombs in this picture look.  And it’s best I keep telling myself that for fear of actually making one.  One day I’m making Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburgers, and the next day I’m freebasing them.  It’s a slippery slope like that.

Of course, one man’s paradise is another man’s Hell on Earth, and so it’s with great pleasure that I introduce to you Shep Smith, my arch-nemesis in all things scrumptious:

(more…)

%d bloggers like this: