TGIF! Now Here’s Elizabeth Taylor with an Adorable, Matching Dog
April 3, 2015

elizabeth taylor with matching dog

Well, it’s Friday once again, and judging by the subways in NYC this morning, practically nobody’s going into work, so why not take a well-deserved break with this glamour photo of Elizabeth Taylor with an adorable, matching dog? It has everything I could ask for while on holiday: elegance, sophistication, the lavender backdrop from a Sears Portrait, jewelry, matching wigs, and Elizabeth Taylor. It even has a puppy, because other people love puppies, too, and why not? It’s Friday, and I’m not a monster!

So happy Friday, everybody! Just whatever you do, don’t ask who wore it better. You already know the answer.

[Image via Spoiled Maltese]

Here’s a Glorious Video of Camille Paglia Talking About Susan Sontag
April 2, 2015

camille paglia wgbh susan sontag

Earlier this morning, it was brought to my attention that today is Camille Paglia’s birthday, WHOM I LOVE. At last, I thought, the perfect opportunity to post this WGBH interview with Camille Paglia from the early 1990s! In it, she responds to Susan Sontag’s claim that Sontag had never even heard of Camille Paglia. That is completely insane, according to Camille Paglia, because who hasn’t heard of Camille Paglia, inquired Camille Paglia. My point is: Camille Paglia…and also Susan Sontag! Two favorite intellectual tastes that taste great together!

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Ann-Margret Is a F***ing Maniac
March 16, 2015

ann-margret hold me squeeze me red dress

My most favorite thing about Ann-Margret (other than, well, everything) is that she’s the rare star whose entire career is a triumph of naive camp. Just look at her, and look at those two dancers behind her, and tell me they’re all not screaming “YASSS, ANN-MARGRET, YASSSSS!”…with their eyes.

Sure, other actresses slip into camp from time to time like it’s a luxuriously beaded chemise, but Ann-Margret is that beaded chemise, plus an abundantly thrusty sexuality I might blame on a low blood sugar, but most Americans insist is just European. Insulin and exotic are only a few letters apart, after all.

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Rebel Heart Is Out Today, So Here’s Madonna Being Unapologetically Madonna
March 10, 2015

Rebel Heart was officially released today, so it’s only appropriate to take a moment and pay tribute to the self-proclaimed unapologetic bitch herself, Madonna. This video has everything: elegance, sophistication, Madonna, a distinct lack of air circulation, British accents, the inability to answer questions, and the unknowable pain of having to suffer journalists and other commoners. Really, you can’t get to where Madonna’s gotten without busting a few balls, and that’s exactly why we love her as much as she loathes hydrangeas.

Christina Aguilera’s Britney Spears Impression Is On-Point, Y’all
February 24, 2015

Last night, Christina Aguilera went onto The Tonight Show to promote her return to The Voice, and she and Jimmy Fallon played a game of Wheel of Musical Impressions. Her Britney Spears impression is on-point, and her Cher is pretty awesome, too. Christina Aguilera isn’t just the diva camp deserves, but the icon it needs right now.

[via Vulture]

 

 

Happy Birthday, Madonna!
August 16, 2014

madonna girlie show like a virign.tiff

As Susan Sontag observed, “Camp is the outrageous aestheticism of Sternberg’s six American movies with Dietrich.” It’s also Madonna putting on her finest Marlene Dietrich drag and camping the hell out of a medley of “Like a Virgin” and “Falling in Love Again (Can’t Help It).” So what better way for this corner of the internet to celebra-ate the Queen of Pop’s birthday than with hydrangeas this vintage performance from The Girlie Show?

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Rest in Peace, Lauren Bacall
August 13, 2014

Lauren Bacall

[Image via Doctor Macro]

It’s Madonna’s Birthday Today!
August 16, 2013

Obviously this is a very important thing we should all (holida-ay!) celebrate, but whatever you do, girl, do not get her hydrangeas. You know how she feels about hydrangeas…

Happy birthday, Madge!

Terry Richardson Gives Us Liza With an “OMFG”
August 4, 2011

Terry Richardson shot the above image of Liza Minnelli for Love Magazine, and you all know I love me my Liza, so basically what I’m saying right now is, “I’ll take all the copies of Love Magazine, please!” Seriously, she may be sans sequins (“Say it ain’t so!”–This guy.), but Liza’s dropping some serious I-don’t-give-a-f*ck FACE while wearing a coat that looks like it’s made from her hair. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to excuse me ’til my eyeballs stop bleeding from all this GLAMOUR.

Anyways, in case that wasn’t enough for you (and really, how could it ever be? Liza glamour back and forth FOREVAH!), here’s another picture of Liza bringing so much piping hot hotness that I have to type this with oven mitts:

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Now That It’s Her Birthday, Here’s Judy Garland Singing “I Can’t Give You Anything But Love”
June 10, 2010

From her 1963 television show, The Judy Garland Show, here’s Judy Garland singing “I Can’t Give You Anything But Love”:

I’d go on some pithy tangent about the strange, sublime joys of being a Judy Garland loving queen, but what’s the point in that?  This is the woman–nay, Diva–who, according to the Gay & Lesbian Times, was once quoted as saying, “When I die I have visions of fags singing ‘Over the Rainbow’ and the flag at Fire Island being flown at half mast.”  You can’t provide a fabulously succinct bit of commentary on what she means to some of us (myself included), nor can you give that quote anything but love.

Happy birthday, Judy.  We love you.

Nothing Tastes as Good as Diva Feels
February 11, 2010

I’m pretty sure this Snickers commercial isn’t quite what Kate Moss meant when she said her life motto was “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”  But I’m also pretty sure that if there’s any truth to this Snickers commercial, Kate Moss is some sort of all-knowing Magic 8 Ball made out of hungry orphans’ tears and the occasional carrot stick:

It should go without saying that I think this ad is brilliant, and I feel like having a Snickers to reward all that cleverness.  That, and my inner-fat girl’s on her heavy-flow day.  But it’s also worth mentioning that if the gist of this ad is that making like Ms. Moss and just saying no to solid food holds the power to magically transform you into Aretha Franklin and/or Liza Minnelli, isn’t this ad actually about the importance of NEVER EATING AGAIN?

Sure, I recognize that–what with my weaknesses for cookies, Bloomin’ Onions, McDonald’s, anything you can deep-fry or smother in gravy or preferably both, as well as most anything found the snack aisle at Duane Reade–I probably can’t even muster up enough hunger pangs to transform me into an excessively bitchy Judy Garland impersonator.  Still, I’d like to believe that with enough will power (there’s is not enough will power in the world, but let’s pretend), I could become so hungry that I’d become the diva equivalent of sending Liza Minnelli and Aretha Franklin through a telepod.  At the same time:

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You Women! Joan Crawford Has an Important Announcement for You
November 10, 2009

There’s obviously nothing funny about uterine cancer or the sad twilight of Joan Crawford’s career that reduced her to Trog and Mountain Dew commercials.  As such, a part of me simply doesn’t know what to do with the fact that Joan Crawford was a spokesperson for vaginal health.

And the other part kinda wishes there was a Bette Davis PSA stressing the importance of mammograms.  Baby Jane attire optional.

The Best Argument for Gay Marriage to Date? I Do Believe So.
October 21, 2009

This sign was spotted at the recent National Equality March in Washington, DC.  Now we all know there are plenty of ways to argue against the conservative rhetoric that opposes gay marriage, and each of these counterarguments has valid points to consider, but I’m pretty certain this particular rebuttal is iron-clad: 

liza minnelli equality march

Oops, I LOL’d my pants.  I’d really like to shake the hand of whoever made this sign because this poster is ingeniously camp.  And totally spot on.

Yes, her birthright may make her royalty to us, and her storied career has affirmed her status as a true icon in her own right, but the gays cannot be blinded by love: LIZA MINNELLI IS NOT ABOVE THE LAW.  Equality is for everybody, not just for the people that are better than the rest of us because they were totally out-of-control amazing in Cabaret.  Get it right, Government!

Oh, and because no post that involves Liza Minnelli is complete without a clip of a her performing, here’s a lil’ something something for your viewing pleasure:

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Alright Already! We’ll Talk About Glee
May 27, 2009

Yeesh.  Certain people, who shall remain nameless but might have names that rhyme with Shmarker and Shmathan (just saying, and also, love you guys!), have been all up in my grill about Glee.  It’s nothing but “Why don’t you blog about Glee?” this and “I hate your face ’til you blog about Glee!” that.  So fine, here we go:

glee copy

Seriously, was there ever any question?  I think not.  If anything, my only complaint is that we’re all forced to wait until this fall for more Glee.  That’s ass and a half, y’all; fortunately, despite Fox clearly conducting an experiment in patience amongst the nation’s gays (and their fag hags), Glee is anything but ass and a half.

Maybe it’s hyperbole, but Glee‘s the most inspired television show in quite some time.  The underdog-competitor-meets-Busby-Berkeley-musical vibe is infinitely charming blend of camp and heartfelt sincerity, and any show that can bring together both the eternally adorable Jayma Mays and eternally fierce Jessalyn Gilsig clearly knows a thing or two about casting.  And let’s not forget that Glee gave us the single greatest rendition of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'” ever made EVER:

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What is “The Joan Crawford”?
March 17, 2009

Perhaps you read the previous post and asked yourself, “‘Pot roast and Joan Crawfords’?  Whatever is a Joan Crawford?”

This is the Joan Crawford:

joan-drink

Trust me, it’s delicious.

When Life Gives You Last Night’s Gossip Girl, Make Dancing-Lady-ade
March 17, 2009

To wash the bile-tastic taste of last night’s Gossip Girl, my friend Brynn and I decided to turn to someone we knew we can always trust to entertain and delight, even in our darkest of ours.  That special someone is Joan Crawford, and last night, she was our Dancing Lady.  

We watched the ending because I’d completely passed out the previous time we attempted to watch it late one night (a belly full of pot roast and a few Joan Crawfords will do that to you, so don’t judge me!).

Dancing Lady is a 1933 musical starring Joan Crawford and Clark Gable (who, by the by, is ridicu-handsome in his youth).  I’d bother and try to explain the plot, but the plot is paper-thin, and Dancing Lady is really just an excuse to let the sparks fly between Crawford and Gable (their scene at the gym is a hysterical and sexy in the same breath) while uber-producer of the era, David O. Selznick, tries his best to recreate the magic of the Busby Berkeley musicals.  Oh, and the Three Stooges are in it.  And Fred Astaire makes his screen debut in it.  Here’s just a taste of the singing, dancing madness:

They dance on a magic carpet before landing in Bavaria to sing the joys of German beer?  It’s both obvious and logical to ask, “What in the hell?”, but I prefer to simply ask, “Why the hell not?”  Trust me, it’ll ease you into the total explosion of insanity that is the finale:

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It’s Liza With a Z’s Birthday With a B
March 12, 2009

Liza Minnelli turned 63 today, y’all.  Banks should have closed, the mail shouldn’t have been delivered, and we should’ve all been at home watching Cabaret; alas, this did not happen.  Still, now’s as good a time as any to celebrate one of the few living legends we have it today.  Take it away, Liza:

The lady’s still got it.  RECOGNIZE.

Why Should Anybody Be Watching Watchmen This Weekend When There’s Technicolor Gene Tierney Goodness to Be Had?
March 4, 2009

So last night I ran into my friend Brynn at Film Forum on my way to see Lola Montès–the crazy-brilliant cinematic extravaganza by Max Ophüls (more on that later)–and, while I was standing in line, she asked me, “So you know what comes out on Friday, right?”

My instantaneous reaction, given the inescapable barrage subway ads, movie trailers, and blue-johnson internet chatter, was obvious: Watchmen.

Oh, silly me!  She was speaking in particular to Film Forum’s release schedule, and trust me when I say that the movie she had in mind doesn’t need any blue genitals to be twice the cinematic doozy that Watchmen will be.  

Ladies and gentleman, all me to present to you the Technicolor fabulosity that is Leave Her to Heaven, back on the big screen for one week only (!):

Oh, snap, y’all!  Having seen Leave Her to Heaven on a mere television, I can absolutely  testify to how incredible it is as a movie, and I can guarantee that, on the big screen, it will positively MELT.  YOUR.  FACE.  (Academically speaking.)

I think we all know what this means…

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Joan in Her Humoresque Glasses Will Make Your Weekend (Lifetime)
February 21, 2009

Did you think I was lying when I said Joan wears the hell out of her glasses in Humoresque?  I’m sure you didn’t, but in case you’ve gotta be all Doubting Thomas about it, here’s certifiable, undeniable proof.  Behold!  Joan in glasses:

joanglasses11

I TOLD YOU!  That’s some seriously glasses classiness.  I mean, Joan’s bringing her patented Crawford Klassiness (Crawford Klassiness: So much class we had to spell is with a “k”) to the table in this movie.  I totally covet those glasses.  

And, OH!, how she accessorizes!

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Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me That Joan Crawford’s in the Greatest Movie Ever?
February 19, 2009

She is.  And it’s called Humoresque.  Humoresque is so incredible, in fact, that we can understand its brilliance through a simple mathematic equation, and math is infallible.  To wit:

Joan Crawford melodrama+classical music concert numbers=the greatest movie ever.  Le duh.

To give you an idea as to just how great it is, here’s a still:

humoresque1531

Whoa.  Just whoa.

In case you were confused by this picture,  Humoresque is a melodrama that stars Joan Crawford.  It’s not a comedy, which may come as a surprise given that the title has the word “humor” in it.  Language comprehension is hard like that (unlike math).

Whatever.

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