Lady Gaga’s “Alejandro” Gives Me a Serious Case of Géjà Vu
November 19, 2009

Even though it’s not coming out ’til the 23rd, that hasn’t stopped Lady Gaga’s The Fame Monster from spilling forth onto the ever impatient interwebs, and let’s all just be honest with ourselves, y’all:

Sure, it’s only 8 songs long, and it’s like Gaga’s gone and reinvented the discostick, but The Fame Monster has some really great songs that definitely earn it a “BUY” come next Tuesday.  Songs, for example, like “Alejandro,” which is the Lady’s catchy dance anthem ode to tossing Latin lovers aside like they’re used tissues at a sperm bank:

I mean, sooo good, but I can’t help but feel like there’s a glitch in the homo matrix because I feel like I’ve heard this song.  Oh, wait, I have:

(more…)

Allow Me to Introduce Bonnie Bianco, the Sara Carlson of 80s German Variety Television
November 16, 2009

In case you’ve yet to witness the combustible magic of Sara Carlson, the Al Paradise sensation who’s inimitable song and dance stylings have won hearts and blown minds over here at Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner, then you’d best correct that terrible life choice.  Immediately.  Seriously, it couldn’t be easier.  Just click here and here, and make sure you’ve a box full of Kleenex ready for all those tears of joy.  All done?  Great!  Then moving right along.  

So this weekend, Skynet YouTube Recommendations once again read my mind and suggested this little number below, “Circo Circo” by Bonnie Bianco.  It may not be Sara Carlson, I thought, but Al Paradise‘s own brand of early-80s carnivalesque psychedelic tranny insanity is enough to make any performer a star, mais oui?

Mais non.

Maybe it’s that Bonnie Bianco’s moves are like something out of the beginner’s course at the Sara Carlson Academy of Batshit Fabulous Ridicudancing, but I also place a lot of the blame on the clowns.  They’re never anything but a recipe for nightmares, so let’s all blame the clowns.  And the fact that every great star needs a great a director.  

It seems to me that Italian variety television just doesn’t know how to make Bonnie Bianco shine.  Fortunately enough, much like von Sternberg made Dietrich, so too has the sauerkraut-and-bratwurst touch of German’s Rotkreuz-Gala transformed Bonnie Bianco into a sensation:

(more…)

Here’s Pete Campbell Dancing to Brighten Your Day
August 20, 2009

Ask, and you shall receive:

This is simply the best thing to happen all week.  Well, the best thing since Mad Men premiered on Sunday.  No, I take that back.  It’s totally the best thing because I can watch this any time, anywhere.  I can’t lug my DVR to work, but I can watch this GIF whenever I need a Pete Campbell pick-me-up.  I could probably watch this all day, and I quite likely will.  It’s just that wonderful.

Also, let’s all agree that Vincent Karthesier’s the best.  I mean, everybody on that show’s the best, but particularly Vincent Karthesier.

Much love to Lydia for finding it on Kottke.org, and lots of love as well to This Recording for making my Dancing Pete Campbell GIF dreams come true.

When Nightmares and Single Ladies Collide
July 20, 2009

It’s been well documented that clowns are universally despised and hated by anybody with the common sense to recognize that behind all those painted faces and put-on grins lies the root of all evil.

The “Single Ladies” dance is the absolute antithesis of clowns.  For starters, everyone loves that song.  Really, EVERYONE:

old people love single ladies

See?  Told you so!  Photoshopped pictures don’t lie, and that’s a fact!

Added to that, if you have even the vaguest inkling of rhythm and a dial-up internet access, it’s very likely that you too probably learned at least some of the dance as it exploded all over the pop-culture zeitgeist like nuclear bomb of insanely infectious fabulousness.

So what do you get when you cross the the undeniable creepiness that is a scary clown mask with 2008’s internet meme sensation?  You apparently get the following video, which is as utterly nightmarish as it is strangely compelling:

(more…)

Today’s Secret Shame: I’ve Been Known to Do a Crazy Dance
July 2, 2009

Apparently my long-time friend and apprentice to my evil blog empire took offense at yesterday’s post about Hilary Duff post:

shmathan is displeased

Why?  Because apparently I neglected to mention that, in our sophomore year of college, Shmathan and were known to sing and dance to Ms. Duff’s ode to empowering spontaneity, “Why Not?”  I was going to be all apologetic and write a nostalgic post about all the wonderful times we’ve had, but I’ve unexpectedly come down with a case of the Carly Simons.  Symptoms include fever, nausea, and betting you think this blog is about you.  I mean, really, the indignation of it all!  How dare he?  Does he not know that my blog powers cannot be defeated:

Correction: My UNLIMITED POWAAAAAH (at blogging) cannot be defeated.  

Still, I must admit that, watching this clip, I cannot help but grow a little touched.  It was Shmathan and I who relished the camp pleasure of Ian McDiarmid’s batshit insane performance in Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith time and time again.  Shmathan was the one who solved the Rubick’s cube that is Jessica Alba’s acting style; and, yes, it was Shmathan who convinced me to do a crazy dance in the dorms, time and time again.  Damn you, nostalgia!  Must you be my Waterloo?  

Anywhosie, enough of that nonsense.  Now that I’ve shed my single tear of emotion, I need to touch-up my bitchface and get back to blogging like I only intend to see you next Tuesday.  And Shmathan, consider yourself spared.  This time.  Next time I’ll be considerably less favorable.  As if you could ever have the strength or fortitude to hijack my blogging for your own pety desires!  Ha!  POWAH!  UNLIMITED POW-

(more…)

Let’s All Take Another Trip Down the Rabbit Hole That is Sara Carlson’s Career
June 9, 2009

Of all the curios I’ve come across the internet since beginning this blog, the kinetic wonder that is Sara Carlson is indubitably a personal favorite.  For the camp aficionado, watching her dance is a transcendental, yet enigmatic, experience.  She moves in ways that are positively superhuman, her facial expressions are like tractor beams determined to pull you into her orbit of fabulousness, and those costumes are simply out of control.  At the same time, there’s so little information about Sara Carlson that she’s practically like the Loch Ness Monster of camp pleasure.  We have document occurrences but little substantial information to support or explain her existence.  

How did she find herself in Italy, and where did she go after her stint on Al Paradise?  What’s she been up to in the past two-and-a-half decades, and where is she now?  While many of these questions demand answers, I’m quite pleased to say that I can at least vouch for Sara Carlson’s existence.  We’ve made contact, and she walks among us!  Seriously, check it out:

sara carlson comment

And not only has she found us, but we can now find her whenever we want thanks to the wonders of MySpace.  Thanks, outdated social network of the early aughts!

Even better, though, is that her MySpace has several more videos posted, and–dare I say it?  Yes, I do dare!–they’re even more incredible than the last round.  I hope you like your paradigms shifted, because that’s what these videos will do.

(more…)

Sara Carlson is the Nomi Malone of 80s Italian Variety Shows
May 15, 2009

Just watch this poetry in motion:

I recognize that, in the era of YouTube clips, what probably made sense in a particular time to a particular group of people is reintroduced to the world in a contextual vacuum.  Without meaning, these videos become a veritable playground for camp, a place where the indecipherable message is the first language of ironic detachment and surface aesthetics the currency of visual pleasure.  As such, perhaps I’m inherently biased towards this Fellini-meets-Lady-Gaga pinnacle of unadulterated, uninhibited batshit insanity.  Whatever.  

None of that changes the fact that Sara Carlson is not merely fierce; she’s full on ferocious.  Also, we can all agree that the only thing that could make this video better is if she looked like a tranny streetwalker who styled herself a member of Jem and the Holograms.  Fortunately for us, such a video exists:

(more…)

%d bloggers like this: