Five Lost Fan Videos That Would Make the Internet a Better Place
May 20, 2010

UGH.  I hate to make like a broken record, y’all, but for realsies:

I can already feel early onset withdrawal coming on, and boy is it bleak.  It’s so bad that I’ve had to work extra hard on my shimmies to help balance out the shakes, and I’ve had to buy myself industrial strength spoons to make sure I don’t accidentally swallow my tongue in the process.  Like I said, bleak.

Anyways, the one upside to being such a human train wreck is that it’s gotten me thinking about Lost fan videos, or–to be more specific–the lack of Lost fan videos.  Seriously, the internet is a bastion for all of us nerds with too much time on our hands to obsess over things like Lost, or which image should come next in their YouTube Miley Cyrus fan video slide show.  Sadly for me, I’m too technologically incompetent to know how to make or even upload a YouTube video.  Hell, I can barely make a gif, and I have to write up all my blog posts on a typewriter and then have have a 15-year-old transcribe them into C++ (that’s how it works, right?), because the interwebs are for the young and I am OLD.  My point is, I’ve come up with a list of Lost fan videos that I think should happen, and I think we, the internet, need to make them happen.  For example:

Song: U2’s “No Line on the Horizon”

Why: U2’s ambient rock hymn to a “girl who’s like the sea” is transformed into one fan’s ode to the mysteries of the island itself.  The lines “Time is irrelevant/It’s not linear” take on a whole new meaning that encapsulates the time-shifting experience Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse have crafted over the course of six seasons.  On the down side, though, there’s no mention of narrative meandering, inexplicably dropped plot threads, or a last-act explanation of “Your questions lead to more questions, so here is a cave of golden light.”

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Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland Is Going to Be Out of Control Amazing
December 16, 2009

I’ll be completely frank: even though I previously had my doubts about Tim Burton’s latest, the reality is that I never needed this past summer’s face-meltingly fantastic teaser trailer to get me excited about his upcoming Alice and Wonderland.  No no, this image is far more than necessary:

SOLD!!!  This image has three things that I unabashedly love: overly-ornate-to-the-point-of-camp costume details (it’s a gay thing), Anne Hathaway (also a gay thing), and killer red lipstick (it’s a Black Narcissus thing; so, in other words, yet another gay thing).  People of a more discerning taste would likely only have their interests raised by such and image, but people of a more discerning taste would probably steer clear of such cinematic gems as Powder Blue and Orphan, so why would I want to associate with those people?  Those people sound like such assholes.

All digressions aside, it’s safe to say that Alice in Wonderland‘s latest trailer will have even people of a more discerning taste excited because–quite honestly–it’s as though Disney just kept throwing money at Tim Burton to ride his crazy train ’til he reached Bonkerstown, which is to say that it looks totall awesome.  Just look at this beaut:

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