David Hasselhoff Is Thirsty for Love in This Completely Batsh*t Commercial for Iced Coffee
July 9, 2013

cumberland farms farmhouse blend

Don’t worry, y’all! When David Hasselhoff croons in this commercial that he’s thirsty for “love,” it’s actually a super sexy double entendre for “iced coffee,” so depending on how deep your river of feelings for the Hoff runneth, you’ll only maaaybe recall that one time in Düsseldorf so many years ago when too many espresso body shots led to you and a strapping West Berlin backpacker named Hans both doing things you promised each other you’d never do again. Mostly because he liked dudes, and you liked not pegging.

But I digress.

After the jump is a commercial starring David Hasselhoff for Cumberland Farms Farmhouse blend iced coffee, which is apparently available for any size at 99¢. I’m not entirely sure, though, because my brain broke from how utterly f*cking batsh*t this thing is. It’s like somebody tried to ferment a rancid Old Spice commercial in an acid bag of coffee beans. Case in point: the above screen grab of the Hoff blowing you a kiss while holding an iced coffee and riding a jet ski. In front of dolphins. DOLPHINS. And that’s just the tip of this iced coffee crazyberg! What I’m trying to say is that you should watch this thing. It’s glorious:

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