Allow Me to Introduce Bonnie Bianco, the Sara Carlson of 80s German Variety Television
November 16, 2009

In case you’ve yet to witness the combustible magic of Sara Carlson, the Al Paradise sensation who’s inimitable song and dance stylings have won hearts and blown minds over here at Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner, then you’d best correct that terrible life choice.  Immediately.  Seriously, it couldn’t be easier.  Just click here and here, and make sure you’ve a box full of Kleenex ready for all those tears of joy.  All done?  Great!  Then moving right along.  

So this weekend, Skynet YouTube Recommendations once again read my mind and suggested this little number below, “Circo Circo” by Bonnie Bianco.  It may not be Sara Carlson, I thought, but Al Paradise‘s own brand of early-80s carnivalesque psychedelic tranny insanity is enough to make any performer a star, mais oui?

Mais non.

Maybe it’s that Bonnie Bianco’s moves are like something out of the beginner’s course at the Sara Carlson Academy of Batshit Fabulous Ridicudancing, but I also place a lot of the blame on the clowns.  They’re never anything but a recipe for nightmares, so let’s all blame the clowns.  And the fact that every great star needs a great a director.  

It seems to me that Italian variety television just doesn’t know how to make Bonnie Bianco shine.  Fortunately enough, much like von Sternberg made Dietrich, so too has the sauerkraut-and-bratwurst touch of German’s Rotkreuz-Gala transformed Bonnie Bianco into a sensation:

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When Nightmares and Single Ladies Collide
July 20, 2009

It’s been well documented that clowns are universally despised and hated by anybody with the common sense to recognize that behind all those painted faces and put-on grins lies the root of all evil.

The “Single Ladies” dance is the absolute antithesis of clowns.  For starters, everyone loves that song.  Really, EVERYONE:

old people love single ladies

See?  Told you so!  Photoshopped pictures don’t lie, and that’s a fact!

Added to that, if you have even the vaguest inkling of rhythm and a dial-up internet access, it’s very likely that you too probably learned at least some of the dance as it exploded all over the pop-culture zeitgeist like nuclear bomb of insanely infectious fabulousness.

So what do you get when you cross the the undeniable creepiness that is a scary clown mask with 2008’s internet meme sensation?  You apparently get the following video, which is as utterly nightmarish as it is strangely compelling:

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