Katy Perry Has a Refined Sense of Humor
June 16, 2010

Remember that one time Katy Perry tweeted this?

And how it was most likely in response to a certain someone’s “shocking” (it was not shocking) latest video?  No?  Because you, like me, try and avoid Katy Perry like a plague

Anyways, the music video for Katy Perry’s “California Gurls” arrived on the interwebs yesterday, and though it may have already been yanked, its brief appearance has already left us a single GIF to remind us what a not-a-fart joke looks like (and be sure to click the image and see this mess in motion):

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Glorious News! Rena Riffel’s Showgirl Will Be the Showgirls Sequel/Remake/Somethingorother of Our Penny/Hopes and Dreams
March 4, 2010

Showgirls: The Return may purport to be the sequel to the greatest movie of all time (because it adds “The Return” to the end of the title), but if the extended trailer’s any indication, that doesn’t mean I have to treat this half-cooked sauerbraten like its canon:

What have you done, Marc Vorlander?  Sure, I haven’t seen this many boobs-per-minute since the last time I watched Showgirls (January 16, 2010, but who’s counting?), which I guess counts as a step in the right direction, but everything else about this trailer is a turgid art-house hot mess.  A Showgirls sequel shouldn’t look boring, but this looks BORING.  Even worse, I don’t see any Rena Riffel, and we were promised Rena Riffel!  Seriously, universe, is there no Penny/hope for a Showgirls follow-up that lives up to the original?

Oh wait, there is:

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Chloe Will Be One of My Favorite Movies of 2010 Because Duh
January 14, 2010

I need this movie to be here yesterday:

It’s not about the poster, which is basically just Amanda Seyfried giving FACE, and we all know how I feel about Amanda Seyfried, so it’s great, but I digress.  

No no, I can’t wait for Chloe because it looks like it’s going to be this year’s Obsessed (and we all know how I feel about Obsessed), but this time it’s starring Julianne Moore and gunning for a hard R-rating, so it looks even better than Obsessed, but I digress.  

My point is you need to watch the trailer because SPOILER ALERT it’s bonkers:

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Rudy Giuliani Is One Classy Broad
November 11, 2009

Every time I look at this incredible picture of Rudy Giuliani in drag, a little piece of my soul dies and a tiny part of my brain explodes from the overwhelming happiness of it all:

Rudy Giuliani in Drag

Yes.  

Of course, it’s only natural to look at this and think that Rudy Giuliani would make the sort of drag queen that would bark at you in his man voice about how he’s going to fuck you up and put this cigar out in your face, right?  WRONG.

Ladies and gentleman, I present to you incontrovertible videographic evidence that–when it comes to being in drag–Rudy Giuliani is a respectable lady:

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Is Women in Trouble the Cornucopia of Camp Pleasures We’ve Been Waiting For?
October 15, 2009

Now don’t get me wrong, Powder Blue is a howlingly bad movie experience.  It isn’t so much a movie as a string of individual cinematic train wrecks that have been confused for scenes, and it’s definitely in the lead as the most campalicious movie of 2009.  Well, was.

Dear readers, I give you the new Great Camp Hope of 2009: 

women in trouble poster

First off, I don’t need to get started about the tag line.  It pretty much speaks for its ridiculous self.  But there’s the pink font that looks like it’s straight-up out of a bad 70s European art house sex farce, and let’s not forget how I feel about Carla Gugino.  I don’t recognize anyone else mentioned in this poster save for Simon Baker, but who cares?  This poster is basically about pretty girls and boobs, which I’m pretty sure was the high concept for Showgirls, so consider my appetite whetted.  

But there’s also the trailer, and…well…it can only be described as some bizarre amalgamation of Showgirls and Magnolia and Almodovar and every women’s dramedy from the past two decades:

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You’re Tearing Me Apart, Copyright Laws!!!
August 10, 2009

It’s no lie that I tend to find the fickle nature of YouTube clips and their battles with copyright law to be terribly annoying.  I can’t stand that any music video that falls under ownership of the Universal Music Group cannot be embedded, and the same goes for the trailers and clips of anything owned by Disney.  This explains the disappearance of Shmathan’s favorite clip on parenticide, which was surreptitiously removed from YouTube on account of copyright infringement, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying.  Or confusing, for that matter.  I personally would rather not want to claim any credit for such an embarrassingly ridiculous clip, but that’s just me.

Anyways, it’s with a heavy heart that I must today announce that the Powder Blue clips have been taken down from YouTube.  Yes, the glistening gems that inspired much camp glee have been taken from us.  I’d like to think all my ridiculous ranting and raving in some way preserved some of the train-wreckery that graced this blog, but I can’t help but feel like there’s now a Powder-Blue-shaped hole in my heart.  Of course, these clips cannot compare to the glorious Godawfulness that is watching Powder Blue in its entirety, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to put my cranky pants on over this situation.  Sure, I cannot claim to understand the finer nuances of the legal matters behind this indecency, but I can Photoshop up some indignation with the best of them:

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A Guide to the Red-Band Jennifer’s Body Trailer For People That Don’t Care About Megan Fox’s Boobs
July 7, 2009

Have you seen the red-band trailer for Jennifer’s Body, which sells us Diablo Cody’s teen horror film by emphasizing the cursing and Megan Fox’s boobs?  Oh, and Megan Fox being teasingly “bisexual”?  Maybe it’s me, I can’t help but think Showgirls did the boobs and bisexuality so much better and with so much less Megan Fox.  Fortunately, I think the rest of us (and by rest of us, I mean people lacking an interest in Megan Fox and/or her boobs) still have plenty to be excited about.

For starters, there’s Amanda Seyfried:

amanda seyfried mean girls best

And she’s been the best since her scene-stealing turn in Mean Girls, and it’s simply a matter of time before she finally blows up.  She infinitely appealing and incredibly versatile (I believe her dumb blond every bit as much as her high school outcast), and this could be the breakthrough she deserves.  After all, Jamie Lee Curtis–the original Final Girl–made it big with Halloween.  For those of us who appreciate women or character and substance, she’s the Jennifer’s Body (Final) girl to watch.

And what about a generation’s nostalgia for a certain West-Coast based teen soap?  Jennifer’s Body has got the goods IN SPADES:

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Twittering is Now Officially an Art
June 22, 2009

Or is it tweeting?  Je ne sais pas.  Whatever.  I may be Twitter-illiterate and prone to using the damn thing every once and a blue moon when I remember that I’ve actually got an account, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the way it’s changing the way we interact.  I mean, if Time says so, it must be true!

Anyways, I was more than delighted to find that I got a new follower over the weekend, and this girl means business:

twitter spam

Ruh-roh!  Looks like we need to get Pussy Control on the line ‘cos this lil’ snatch on the prowl!

I’ve little doubt in my mind that the above hyperlink is for porn and/or a virus.  I don’t need to click it to prove my point because I don’t need my screen exploding with boobs at work.  Besides, while I may not be their target audience in terms of bringing my lusty eyes, I’ve got Showgirls and Powder Blue, so I can always boob myself to oblivion from the comfort of my own home.  Really, there’s no need, but there is a need to commend this piece of porn spam.  

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Finally, a Movie Review! For Friday the 13th!!!
February 17, 2009

Remember last Friday, when we were still living in a world where Friday the 13th wasn’t out in theaters yet?  Well, now we live in a brave new world where it’s out in the theaters available for mass consumption.  And just as Lost has taught us that you can’t go back in time to kill Hitler, we also can’t go back in time to stop them from making the new Friday the 13th, so I guess we should stop building that time machine and just start adjusting.  That doesn’t change one crucial fact, though:

fth13th-review1

I mean, Friday the 13th is just like Brave New World, except instead of everybody taking Soma to emotionally anesthetize themselves while worshipping Henry Ford, everybody’s taking stupid pills while worshipping boobs.  Seriously, so much of the boobs in this movie.  

But I’m not here to (only) complain about boobs.  Nope, I’m here to complain about Friday the 13th. (more…)

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