Random Thoughts I Had While Watching Sex and the City 2
June 2, 2010

This past Memorial Day, I went to go see Sex and the City 2.  Here are some thoughts (besides “UGH!”) that crossed my mind over the course of the afternoon:

  • This is the actual display sponsored by Skyy vodka in the lobby of the theater where I went to see Sex and the City 2:

  • Let’s be clear on this: here is a vodka selling a movie that’s selling an impossibly “fabulous” nightmare fantasy lifestyle.  Perfect.  The movie hasn’t even begun, and I already wish I was blackout drunk from a shoetini bender.
  • On second thought, I’d rather conserve brain cells (I am going to see Sex and the City 2, after all) and just eat my feelings (impending sense of dread, unfathomable sorrow) instead.  Seeing as it’s Memorial Day, I’m in the mood for hot dogs.  Seriously, federally sanctioned summer holidays always put me in the mood for a hot dog.  Go figure.
  • Oh, and speaking of things that put me in the mood for hot dogs:

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My Karaoke Will Go On
January 22, 2010

Thanks to YouTube, we can all rest a little easier at night with the knowledge that important moments from our lives will remain digitally preserved for all eternity (or at least ’til they’re taken down by the suits), which is obviously a good thing.  After all, it means we can all relive that one time Celine Dion got really intense while singing the Titanic theme song at the Oscars:

Or that other time that I tried to channel Celine Dion getting really intense while singing the Titanic theme song at the Oscars, but could only manage to channel a howler monkey:

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It’s Safe to Say That I’m Not the Worst at Karaoking “Like a Virgin”
October 8, 2009

True story: I got a karaoke machine for my 21st birthday because I had a penchant for getting up on the table in our apartment during my junior year of college and drunkenly belting out Scissor Sisters and Franz Ferdinand and the final number from Hairspray.  It really was a great gift, if for no other reason than that it prevented the inevitable trip to the emergency room when my drunk ass attempted a high kick and fell off the table.  As I recall, the karaoke machine looked like this:

memorex karaoke machine

I spent most of the evening of my birthday party karaoking to my copy of U2’s recently leaked How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, and while this was tolerable during “Vertigo,” it was not flying by the time I was taking a shot at “Love and Peace or Else.”  At one point, a friend of a friend at the party even gave me what I thought to be a stink eye during my performance, but that could’ve been all those birthday cocktails talking.

ANYWAYS, I was finally persuaded to take on something a little more crowd pleasing.  Naturally this translates to “putting on your drag costume from Halloween and singing ‘Like a Virgin’.”  I’m pretty certain the end result–coming from a combination of drunkface and inability to find a proper pitch–sounded like a tranquilized cat warbling for mating call.  It.  Was.  BLEAK.

After that, I always thought that nobody could ever do any worse, but then I saw this demo video from an aborted American Idol karaoke arcade game (which is obviously something the world really needed but will now never have).  I was obviously wrong:

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