Scant Thoughts on Super Bowl 50
February 8, 2016

id4 resurgence super bowl football stadium

As the French would say, je ne suis pas sportif, but if I’ve got two things going for me, it’s a thirst for pop culture and a fear of missing out, so here are a few scant thoughts regarding FootBowl 50: Still a Thing!

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Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Good Parenting Corner
June 25, 2010

It has come to my attention that good parenting no longer involves simply dressing your baby up like a bag full of money:

No no, if you want to make sure that you raise an upstanding member of society who is free of any and all social ills and moral deviances, you have to start with ’em young, so please be sure to race your babies:

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This Trailer for Marmaduke Makes Me Reconsider My Thoughts on Gay Adoption, Babies in General
March 26, 2010

After all, if gays can’t adopt, then I won’t want a Gattaca mail order baby of my very own, which means I’ll never have to worry about listening to my kid throw a shit fit when I refuse to rent them Marmaduke.  Sure, the other soccer moms might think that makes me a pretentious bitch who’s unfit to raise a child, but take look at this mess and tell me I’m wrong:

Okay, I’ll admit that the part of me that loves train wrecks definitely did a this at the end of the trailer, but most of me just feels sorry for Lee Pace and Judy Greer and William H. Macy.  Sure, Ron Perlman and Steve Coogan are also much better than this, but at least they don’t have to show their faces, and Keifer Sutherland had the sage wisdom to leave this one off of his IMDB page.  Lee Pace and Judy Greer and William H. Macy have neither of those luxuries.  This makes me sad.

As for my fake ovaries, they’re quite happy to be fake right about now because for realsies:

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Things Upon Which Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner and an Actual Baby Can Agree: Miley Cyrus
March 23, 2010

I usually imagine that about the only thing babies and I share in common is a failure to be discerning with what we should put in our mouths.  Seriously, if you put a handful of dusty Planter’s Cheez Ball between me and a baby, there would be a bitch vs. baby throw down to see who could snatch them up.  Otherwise, though, I’m pretty sure the only thing babies and I could agree upon is that there are a whole lot of bare breasts Showgirls, but guess which one of us actually finds that enthralling.

Anyways, this baby proves me wrong by having a response to Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA” that’s only slightly less visceral than my own:

I would’ve hurled myself straight out of that damn baby prison high chair, but that’s just me.

On a tangential note, I hope science can figure out what makes this baby hate Miley Cyrus so much, at which point science then institutes a policy making it a prerequisite in all of our Gattaca mail order babies.  But again, that’s just me.

Much love to Best Week Ever for the find.

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