We Live in a World Where the Hoodie-Footie Snuggle Suit Is an Actual Thing
February 10, 2010

I should probably not be throwing stones in the glass house of late-night-infomercials.  Particularly after making my thoughts on the Necky so abundantly clear.  Fine, I’m just a pot calling an impulse buy blah blah blah. I can’t help myself.  I want this.  IMMEDIATELY:

Maybe it’s the fact that this batshit crazy onesie comes in bubblegum pink (making it both my personal Kryptonite and an appropriate outfit for Wednesdays).  It could be that the Hoodie-Footie Snuggle Suit is made of “marshmallow-soft fleece,” which is easily the best product description since “designer leopard” became a color.  Then again, it’s probably the fact that I imagine slipping into one of these and having a comfort blackout, only to awaken several days later and find myself covered in Chef Boyardee stains with a wad of day-old mini-ravioli in my hair.  Whatever it is, I’m just glad I now know what I’ll wearing day-in and day-out in the twilight years of my existence when I’m a hermetic old queen with too many cats.  So, in gay years, my mid-thirties.  

Best of all, though?  You can have your name embroidered onto your Hoodie-Footie Snuggle Suit, thus making sure everybody knows the name of the fierce bitch who dares to wear pink fleece, footed pajamas in public.  Isn’t that right, Katherine?

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The Necky Is the Perfect Secret Santa Gift to Anonymously Say, “You’re Lazy. And I Hate You.”
December 15, 2009

Wait, what?  You’re waging a cultural battle against scarves because they’re too confusing and frequently ineffective and quite possibly death traps, and your solution is like a turtleneck bib made out of fleece and some velcro?  And you mean to pawn off “designer leopard” as a color as well?  UGH.  The only people lazier than every single person involved in the conceptualization, production, and advertising of the Necky are the people who will indubitably think that the Necky is a practical item that will improve their standard of living.  Seriously, people, TRY HARDER.

That said, I imagine the end of the scarves’ hegemonic oppression and the beginning of such a brave new Neckied world would look even lazier still, which can only mean dated pop culture references and amateurish Photoshopping skillz, so basically this:

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