On Easy Cheese, Elevators, and Evening Dining Selections
October 20, 2009

As I headed home this evening from work, I found myself confronted with the most delightful of scents that one could ever encounter in a New York City backdoor service elevator:


Yes, Easy Cheese.  Its scent is so perfectly processed that it defies the categorization of any genuine cheese, or even any processed cheese-related product.  The smell, color, and consistency are all prescribed by a cheese-related notion, but what it actually is is nothing of the sort.

Easy Cheese is a cheddar-flavored mystery that’s easily dispensed upon Ritz crackers.   Or any cracker.  Or, quite simply anything that benefits from tasting like what it is plus “cheese.”  So, in short, everything.  It’s as much the antithesis of authenticity as it is the epitome of artificiality.  When you smell Easy Cheese, you smell CHEESE FLAVOR, which is frequently (yet understandably) mistaken for DELICIOUSNESS.

I can’t imagine how that scent translates to anyone else (Kraft Easy Mac and unbridled desperation, I suspect), but–at the moment–it smelled heavenly.  I could’ve stayed in that elevator all evening, but I didn’t want other people finding it odd when I just stood there, blissed out of my mind, while everyone else got off on the ground floor.  No no, that would be weird.

So instead I went home and ate my weight in leftover cheese dip, all the while wishing it tasted a little less homemade and a little more like Yellow 5.  Which is totally not weird at all.

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