TGIF! Now Here’s Emily Blunt and Anne Hathaway in a Lip Sync Battle
April 10, 2015

You know, it’s odd to me that two of the stars of The Devil Wears Prada doing a highly produced Lip Sync for Your Life isn’t a thing that has already aired on Logo, but I digress.

Emily Blunt and Anne Hathaway were on Lip Sync Battle last night. Emily Blunt performed Janis Joplin’s “Piece of My Heart”, Anne Hathaway performed Miley Cyrus’s “Wrecking Ball”, and judging by these performances, we don’t have to watch anymore, because this show has already peaked at maximum camp. Seriously, unless they get Nicole Kidman does ping pong trick while lip syncing to Mika’s “Grace Kelly” (it’d be a promotional tie-in to her Lifetime debut), we can stick a fork in this juicy glitterball, ‘cos she’s done. This being a battle, though, my question is: who won?

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Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland Is Going to Be Out of Control Amazing
December 16, 2009

I’ll be completely frank: even though I previously had my doubts about Tim Burton’s latest, the reality is that I never needed this past summer’s face-meltingly fantastic teaser trailer to get me excited about his upcoming Alice and Wonderland.  No no, this image is far more than necessary:

SOLD!!!  This image has three things that I unabashedly love: overly-ornate-to-the-point-of-camp costume details (it’s a gay thing), Anne Hathaway (also a gay thing), and killer red lipstick (it’s a Black Narcissus thing; so, in other words, yet another gay thing).  People of a more discerning taste would likely only have their interests raised by such and image, but people of a more discerning taste would probably steer clear of such cinematic gems as Powder Blue and Orphan, so why would I want to associate with those people?  Those people sound like such assholes.

All digressions aside, it’s safe to say that Alice in Wonderland‘s latest trailer will have even people of a more discerning taste excited because–quite honestly–it’s as though Disney just kept throwing money at Tim Burton to ride his crazy train ’til he reached Bonkerstown, which is to say that it looks totall awesome.  Just look at this beaut:

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Damnit! The Alice in Wonderland Teaser Just Melted My Face!
July 22, 2009

A little while back I’d expressed my concern about the current state of Tim Burton’s career and my growing unease that his best year’s as a director were behind him.  I’ve obviously spoken too soon because the teaser trailer for Alice in Wonderland has exploded all over the internet like an awesome bomb, and WHOAHBITCH will it melt your face with its awesomeness:  

FACES MELTED!

It was one thing to see the pictures that had hit the internet a few weeks back.  They were great, no doubt, but seeing actual footage–even a minute-and-a-half of it–is an entirely different beast of pure, visual ferociousness.  Johnny Depp’s Mad Hatter is even more fabulously deranged than those first images would have let on, Tweedledee and Tweedledum look like they crawled straight out of an Edward Gorey illustration, Anne Hathaway looks absolutely fabulous as the White Queen, and Wonderland itself looks like some sort of fantastical, demented acid trip.  

Really, I could try and muster up some sour grapes to make a quick cup of bitch wine, but this trailer just had me to giddy to even make the effort.  Really, this is about all I can muster:

Me: Wait until March?!?  YEARGH!!!  That makes me want to poop on your face, Disney!

See?  I told you that I’ve got nothing.  NOTHING!  Now, if you’ll excuse you, I’ve got a face to fix.

UPDATE (7/22): Aaaand of course it’s gone as soon it appeared.  The interwebs giveth, and Disney taketh away.  Now I really do want to poop on their face!

DOUBLE UPDATE (7/24): A higher quality, though non-embeddable, copy of the trailer’s found its way back to YouTube and can be watched here.  Looks like the Disney-lawyer-face-poop crisis has been temporarily averted.

When the Monster Demands a Mate, She’d Better Be Sexy!
June 18, 2009

No sooner than you could say “I bet you the Frankenstein monster just loves himself some foxy boxing,” my friend Sarah came across a bit of Hollywood casting gossip that seems to suggest that this whole Bride of Frankenstein remake might be more screwed than we think.  The producers are aiming to cast someone along the lines of Scarlett Johansson or Anne Hathaway, which is the sort of shit they always say, but still, yeesh.  I’m saying nothing against either’s talent or beauty, but be more creative, Hollywood!  This is what you’re trying to recreate:

You’re remaking an indisputable masterpiece and reenvisioning one of the most iconic characters in horror, and the best you  can think of is Anne Hathaway or Scarlett Johansson?  Ugh!  That’s the sort of braintrust brilliance we’ve got funding this movie?  Egads, it’s time to upgrade the Bad Idea Alert to DEFCON Dreadful!

The real kicker, though, is the source for this buzz, aka, the ever trustworthy New York Post, which reports:

BRIAN Grazer is remaking “The Bride of Frankenstein,” but this time, the female monster is going to be a babe. “She’ll be young. They’re looking for a person with great power and sex appeal,” a Hollywood insider told us. “Someone along the lines of Scarlett Johansson or Anne Hathaway.” In the 1935 original, the frizzy-haired bride was played by bug-eyed English actress Elsa Lanchester. The new Universal Pictures/Imagine Entertainment version, first disclosed by The Hollywood Reporter, will be helmed and co-scripted by Neil Burger, who wrote and directed “The Illusionist.”

Really?  REALLY???  The totally unwarranted jab at Elsa Lanchester’s appearance is trashy and gross, but the New York Post is trashy and gross, so that’s not shocking.  Par for the course, if anything.  But there’s still plenty to take issue with.

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If This Movie Gets Made, I’ll Combust into Rainbows and Glitter
March 23, 2009

I usually attempt to avoid Hollywood gossip as it tends to be tons of speculation and rumor mongering and only so frequently comes to fruition, but when I read this on Celebitchy, I had a moment.  A really shrill, shrieky moment of unabashed homo glee.  Ears bled. Dogs barked.  It was no good, so I worry for the world about what would happen if this news turned out to be more than just someone passing off their own two-cents on casting a Judy Garland biopic.  But, according to the Daily Mail:

Hollywood starlet Anne Hathaway is in talks to play her movie idol Judy Garland in an upcoming film based on Gerald Clarke’s biography, Get Happy: The Life of Judy Garland.

The 26-year-old actress is so desperate to appear in the movie – which charts Judy’s rise to fame and her struggle with drink and drugs – that she may have to sacrifice other projects, which include a lead role in a comedy called The Fiance.

THIS ABSOLUTELY MUST HAPPEN.  MAKE IT HAPPEN, HOLLYWOOD!  See!  I lose all control when I begin to this about the possibility of this rumor coming to fruition.

I mean, you need only watch this clip to recognize the incredibly obvious fact that Judy Garland is one fierce lady.  Seriously, watch this fierceness:

Fierce.  Fact number 765 about the homosexual community: we loooove hysterics, and those are some perfectly executed hysterics.  Now you know why the gays love her.

Also, anybody that’s watched Rachel Getting Married knows that Anne Hathaway has some serious acting chops.  Oh, and she can sing damn well:

Between the champagne-effervescence of her charm and the fact that she did self-destructive so well in Rachel Getting Married, casting her as Judy Garland is the duh of the century.  Hell, make it more than a movie.  Make it a ten-hour miniseries.  I will watch it all.  There’s no way it’d be anything less than fabulous.

Now watch this rumor turns out to be completely false and instead they cast Malin Akerman, because that’s just my (bad) luck.  Though if they use that as an opportunity to cast Carla Gugino as drunky Garland, then I just might get on board…

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