Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category

Tilda Swinton’s New Movie A Bigger Splash Looks Great!
February 11, 2016

A-Bigger-Splash-poster-600x889

Some time ago when I was still working as at the front desk, a regular stopper-by and I struck up a conversation about recent movies we’d seen. I “enthusiastically” (shrilly) told her about I Am Love, a perfect film in every way. She said she’d check it out.

The next time she stopped by the office,  she told me she had since seen I Am Love, an artful masterpiece of contemporary melodrama. I asked her how she liked it, and she cryptically answered my question with another question: You must really like opera, don’t you? 

My point is that there’s a new trailer for the latest collaboration between my indubitably favorite contemporary filmmaker (Luca Guadagnino) and the intergalactic goddess of this and several adjacent astral planes (Tilda Swinton), and as someone who really likes opera, holy moly do I like this trailer:

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Elizabeth Taylor’s Ash Wednesday, Again: Another Barely Topical Ash Wednesday Post
February 10, 2016

elizabeth taylor ash wednesday vhs art

The last time I gave something up for Lent, it was Entenmenn’s baked goods, and I celebrated the end of Lent by hurling myself into a bedful of marble loaf cakes screaming “TAKE ME BACK!” Since I’m still finding crumbs in my bedding, I’ve decided it best to once again giving in to daily blogging, as well as taking today to make mention of the Ash Wednesday that soothes my spirit, Elizabeth Taylor’s 1973 plastic-surgery-and-marital-discord Eurodrama, Ash Wednesday(more…)

Scant Thoughts on Super Bowl 50
February 8, 2016

id4 resurgence super bowl football stadium

As the French would say, je ne suis pas sportif, but if I’ve got two things going for me, it’s a thirst for pop culture and a fear of missing out, so here are a few scant thoughts regarding FootBowl 50: Still a Thing!

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TGIF! Now Treat Yo Self With This Sunset Boulevard Spa GIF!
March 27, 2015

gloria swanson sunset boulevard spa

It’s Gloria Swanson’s birthday today, and after a week that definitely wasn’t ready for its close-up, Mr. DeMille, we could all use a little Golden Age of Hollywood glamour to put some pep in our step, so let’s put the “GIF” in TGIF with this soothing GIF of Gloria Swanson getting a spa-day massage and facial in Sunset Boulevard. It’s Friday, after all, so let’s all be sure to make like Ms. Swanson treat yo self(.gif)!

[GIF via Jenni Epperson]

Cate Blanchett Will Not Have Your Stupid Questions, Either
March 26, 2015

cate blanchett cinderella interview

In what I can only hope becomes one of the defining trends of 2015, another incredibly talented actress gave a delightfully Done With It response to a very stupid question. This time, a journalist asked Cate Blanchett a very stupid question about cats on leashes while she was doing press for Cinderella, and Cate Blanchett was not having it at all:

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Happy Birthday, Joan Crawford!
March 23, 2015

joac crawford mildred pierce birthday cake

[original image via Girls Do Film]

Wrestling Is a Low Sport
March 22, 2015

Everything about this scene from Foxcatcher is perfect, except for the topic of conversation, which is wrestling. It’s a low sport, as you know.

Happy Pi Day with Mildred Pierce!
March 14, 2015

mildred pierce joan crawford pies pi day

My mother, a waitress[…]Aren’t the pis bad enough?!?

TGIFriday the 13th, Now Here’s Betsy Palmer as Mrs. Voorhees
March 13, 2015

In the annals of great camp performances, I think Betsy Palmer’s turn as Mrs. Voorhees is the (over the)tops, and since it’s apropos of today, here she is simply killing it (literally) in Friday the 13th as one of my favorite horror movie mommie dearests this side of Vera Farmiga’s Norma Bates and Ronee Blakley in A Nightmare on Elm Street:

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A Brief Appreciation of Eddie Redmayne’s Exquisite Camp Beauty
March 7, 2015

eddie redmayne danish girl

For some time, I’d been trying to put my finger on Eddie Redmayne’s rather singular attractiveness, but thanks to this recently released promotional still from Tom Hooper’s upcoming biopic The Danish Girl, I believe I’ve put a well-manicured finger on it:

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John Carpenter’s Frozen Would Be a Frozen Finally Worth Watching
March 4, 2015

frozen blood test scene john carpenter the thing

Pardon the pun, but Frozen is one of those zeitgeisty juggernauts that left me…cold. I get that everybody loved it, most notably The Gays “and” John Travolta, but not me. I won’t bother defending such a deeply unpopular opinion, either, because my excommunication papers are already being processed by an unforgiving Hell’s Kitchen queen with an Idina Menzel prayer shrine and a Tumblr blog filled with Precious Moments GIFs and Kristoff/Duke slash fiction. ANYWAYS, here’s a video by indie filmmaker and animator Lee Hardcastle. It’s a claymation mashup of Frozen characters and the blood test scene from John Carpenter’s The Thing, so there’s animated blood and NSFW language, but who cares? This is great:

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Inside the ACTING Studio, With James Lipton and Faye Dunaway
March 3, 2015

faye dunaway mommie dearest joan crawford shower

As far as I’m concerned, the only thing more camp than Faye Dunaway’s performance in Mommie Dearest is James Lipton and Faye Dunaway on Inside the Actors Studio discussing Faye Dunaway’s performance in Mommie Dearest, without irony:

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I Call Shenanigans: On Madonna’s Best Actress Oscar Snub for Evita
March 1, 2015

evita madonna rainbow tour

I wouldn’t go so far as to say Madonna was robbed of an Oscar for her performance in Evita. After all, 1997 was the year that Frances McDormand (consummate actor, national treasure) won for Fargo, so the best performance really did win. But after staying up too late rewatching Evita on Netflix last night, I realized it’s some kind of hot nonsense that Madonna didn’t even get a nomination. Madonna is pretty much flawless in Evita. Here, let me count the ways:

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Wake Me When It’s Over: An Irresponsible Oscar Postscript
February 23, 2015

joan crawford oscars 1946

I’m not sure there’s anything to be said about last night’s Oscars that can’t be said by this picture of Joan Crawford asleep with her Oscar, which is to say: Zzzz.

It wasn’t that the Oscars were terrible. Patricia Arquette won, and she spoke about how to make the world a more just place. Julianne Moore won, and the world became a more just place. Neil Patrick Harris dutifully tried to keep some awfully regrettable material afloat. At least it wasn’t James Franco, part don’t. Lady Gaga’s Sound of Music melody was really great, even if it wasn’t performed in a bratwurst dirndl. And then there was John Travolta, who was killing it last nightpossibly literally. Seriously, if John Travolta asks you to help him move some furniture into a van, just tell him you’ve got a hunky masseuse appointment to attend and run, girl, run! He’ll totally understand.

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Here’s a GIF of Idina Menzel and John Travolta at the 2015 Oscars
February 23, 2015

idina menzel john travolta 2015 oscars

While the rest of last night’s Oscars might be described as safe, here is a GIF of the one moment that felt anything but: Idina Menzel and John Travolta, together onstage to revisit 2014’s “Adele Dazeem” gaffe. Idina, you in danger, girl!

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Everybody Is a Critic…of Fifty Shades of Grey
February 19, 2015

fifty shades of grey poster nyc subway graffiti

I spotted this pithy critique en graffiti (a graffitique, if you will?) at the 23rd Street subway station, in the heart of the Chelsea gayborhood. It’s the end result of someone literally can’t even with Fifty Shades of Grey, but definitely can with a Sharpie. Guess they aren’t hot for contract law, either.

Oh, Chelsea: the library is closed, but the David Barton Gym is always open.

Elizabeth Taylor’s Ash Wednesday: A Barely Topical Midweek Post
February 18, 2015

elizabeth-taylor-in-ash-wednesday-1973

Like many fair-weather Catholics, I only observe the major holidays: Christmas presents, Easter chocolates, year-round guilt and shame, and the 40 days of Lent Facebook status updates. Since I don’t have any more vices to give up this year (except for coffee and meat, which ha ha and NO), this Ash Wednesday I’ve decided to give in to forty days of daily exercise and daily blog posts. Also, since I still haven’t seen Ash Wednesday, I’m giving in to bootleg DVDs and finally ordering this most tantalizing cinemystery. I mean, I get that this is the Elizabeth Taylor plastic surgery melodrama, but this movie looks f**king bonkers, y’all:

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Strike That, Please: A Contractually Obligated Review of Fifty Shades of Grey
February 15, 2015

fifty shades of grey dakota johnson curious

To answer the question above: Don’t be.

The following is a binding review between Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner (heretofore referred to as The Blog) and Fifty Shades of Grey (heretofore referred to as The “Movie”):

1. Let it first be put to record that The Blog didn’t want to do this, but several of The Blog’s friends were drunk on Strawberry Andre when we saw the movie and insisted upon a review. Said friends owe The Blog. A lot.

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It’s Valentine’s Day, So Here’s a Brief Scene from The Night Porter
February 14, 2015

THE NIGHT PORTER - American Poster with reviews

BDSM is so hot right now, so in honor of Valentine’s Day and other less than conventional sexual power dynamics, here’s a brief scene from Liliana Cavani’s The Night Porter, which was the Fifty Shades of Grey of mid-seventies art house cinema:

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What Do You Mean, Everything That’s “Wrong” With Showgirls?!?
February 11, 2015

The “problem” with being a pathological Showgirls obsessive with a blog (such as myself) is that you don’t get very many legitimate reasons to write about Showgirls. We don’t live in a world that finds new ways on the daily to celebrate Paul Verhoeven’s timeless gesamtkunstwerk (I know, UNFORTUNATELY), so mostly you’re left making Showgirls references. Lots…and lots…of Showgirls references. It’s a charmed life, for sure, but one perhaps grasping (if not gasping) for relevance.

So it’s definitely a day for celebration when the good folks at CinemaSins make an “Everything Wrong With” video about the greatest thing to happen to the cinema since Mary Pickford sliced bread! Hooray, Showgirls is relevant again! (“Manage your expectations, queen” – Everybody else.)

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