Some time ago when I was still working as at the front desk, a regular stopper-by and I struck up a conversation about recent movies we’d seen. I “enthusiastically” (shrilly) told her about I Am Love, a perfect film in every way. She said she’d check it out.
The next time she stopped by the office, she told me she had since seen I Am Love, an artful masterpiece of contemporary melodrama. I asked her how she liked it, and she cryptically answered my question with another question: You must really like opera, don’t you?
My point is that there’s a new trailer for the latest collaboration between my indubitably favorite contemporary filmmaker (Luca Guadagnino) and the intergalactic goddess of this and several adjacent astral planes (Tilda Swinton), and as someone who really likes opera, holy moly do I like this trailer:
This movie looks like it has everything (that I want), so let us count just a few of the ways:
- Tilda Swinton, period.
- Matthias Schoenaerts, who appears to play Tilda’s boyfriend, the object of Dakota Johnson’s seduction, and the flooder of charming Italian villa getaway basements.
- Some Very Hot Dance Moves, by Ralph Fiennes.
- Dakota Johnson, who escaped the Fifty Shades of Grey playroom with her career seemingly unscathed, and a covetable pair of sunglasses to boot.
- The line “I fall in love with every pretty thing,” which devoid of context is silly to the point of sublime.
- Lustful Glances and the Percolating Threat of Violence, which has me optimistic that A Bigger Splash might be Guadagnino’s take on the most undervalued genre, the Erotic Thriller.
- What appears to be the distinct likelihood of a Pool Crime. Really, be it Billy Wilder’s Sunset Blvd. or Francois Ozon’s Swimming Pool, the Pool Crime is a satisfying cinematic device that’s woefully underutilized. It’s right up there with Movies That Climax With Courtroom Scenes, like Leave Her to Heaven or Peyton Place.
- Tilda Swinton Bonus Points (aka, the best kind of Bonus Points) for playing an aging rock star with a Bowie-esque glam aesthetic. It’s as inspired as it is unintentionally timely, and just look at all those sequins:
Tons of f*cking sequins, queens.
A Bigger Splash does not come out soon enough, aka, May 4, 2016.