If you’re in a two-piece band called Toasters ‘N’ Moose, and your keyboardist is ofttimes mistaken for a homeless person while your vocalist reminds me of a less zaftig Paula Deen, and you’ve just scored the opportunity to play a place called Dante’s (or something) that looks sorta like the world’s saddest Salvation Army (is there any other kind?), but they’ve only allowed you to do one song, well, you’ve gotta make it a good one. So you’d better break out your big guns (nay, your biggest!), which obviously is a “song” called “Taste the Biscuit”:
Look, I don’t have to explain to you why a song about getting a five-piece meal at KFC with biscuits, honey sauce, mac and cheese, and potato wedges (you’re right, I did want to try them, less zaftig Paula Deen!) is the anthem for my
inner fat girl life. You’re here. I’m here. We all know what I am capable of putting in my mouth, so instead of making a crack about being an insatiable power bottom for Colonel Sanders and his eleven secret herbs and spices (I don’t even know what that means, but doesn’t it sound filthy?), allow me to direct your attention to this woman:
I don’t know who she is (a random Dante’s shopper transfixed by the flaky deliciousness of this siren’s song? Toasters ‘N’ Moose’s lone groupie, the Kate Hudson to their Billy Crudup, if you will? My mind reels with these questions unanswered!), but I do know she loves “Taste the Biscuit.” No, seriously:
Anyways, “Taste the Biscuit” is apparently a scene from the ultra low-budget mockumentary about Toasters ‘N’ Moose’s 2009 reunion tour, Chickens in the Shadows:
And while I’m not going to say that this movie looks any good (at all), I will say that less zaftig Paula Deen is simply slaying my face with her sequined Fashion-Avenue-meets-Family-Dollar glamor (this guy knows what I’m talking about), the website for Chickens in the Shadows seems to be well aware of what sort of movie this is (a very bad one), the DVD is only $12, and I don’t really need another excuse to eat a bucket of fried chicken, but I’m always happy to have one.
Like I said, insatiable.
Much love to Videogum for this one.