Back during my sophomore year of college at the University of Georiga, a group of friends and I entered the Campus MovieFest. The theme that year was something like “Moving the World,” and seeing how we were a tasteful group of budding filmmakers, we chose to go the esoteric and inspirational route for our short: We made a fake previously-on-last-season’s teaser for a nighttime soap opera entitled As the World Turns.
We thought of everything, and I mean everything: Love triangles, wedding proposals, chronic illnesses, multiple counts of substance abuse, lies, betrayals, and shocking secrets revealed! When we failed to sweep the festival, it was clear that though we were big, the moviefests had already gotten too small. Somewhere on Sunset Boulevard, Norma Desmond shed a tear in silent commiseration.
ANYWAYS, Campus MovieFest has begun putting these submissions up on YouTube, and one of my old roommates recently stumbled upon our entry brought it to my attention, so without further ado, As the World Moves:
I’ll admit moments like these are incredibly rare, but I’m honestly speechless. Sure, it’s due to equal parts joyful nostalgia and unfettered pride in being involved in such a dazzlingly low-budget hot mess (as opposed to the cringing embarrassment I’d imagine most people might feel when they rediscover the creative follies of their youth), but speechless all the same. I mean, I could say I was shocked (shocked!) to recall how I was camping the fuck out of it as the screechy one in bargain-basement fright drag named Jezebel, but what’s the point? That lie is faker than one of my sock tits, so I won’t even bother.
Much love to Parker for finding this making it all come back to me like my name’s Celine Dion, the good folks at Campus MovieFest for posting this, Dan for being the first to pass it along, and of course to the cast and crew As the World Moves for being such a great and game group of friends. Miss you guys!
(UPDATE (3.30.11)!: As noted by Dan in the comments, for proper attribution!)
Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner 
Spectacular! My dear, you stole the show as Jezebel! Bette Davis would be proud of you–you rival her performance with wig in Beyond the Forest. Thank you so much for sharing this masterpiece with us–and thank Parker too.
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Dear Mr. Horner:
Contrary to your statement, the video was actually sent to me and was forwarded by Ms. Whitney Okula. I expect credit where credit is due.
Your friend always,
Dan Kitchens
P.S. I hope all is well you with! 😀
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Duly noted and already updated, Dan. Hope all’s well with you, too!
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LOL. I love the creaking globe, the cute girls, the phone on top of the microwave, and the best line “Are u gay, No I’ve got diabetes” Thanks for starting my day with a laugh.
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It’s always a pleasure, sue. Always a pleasure.
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I just had to watch it again–your scream is priceless.
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