Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner’s Catch-Up Corner: I’m the Most Excited for Zack Snyder’s Sucker Punch

It’s been over a year since I last threw on my gay claws and tippity-typed up a frothing homo frenzy about Sucker Punch, Zack Snyder’s live action follow-up to Watchmen, and so much has happened since then, y’all.  Carla Gugino helped unleash the candy-colored Kraken of camp that is Women in Trouble, and Zack Snyder made an animated family film about owls:

One of these makes me cackle because it’s fabulous, and the other makes me cackle because my brain cannot comprehend that it’s a thing that actually exists.  You’re welcome to try and figure out which one’s which, but please, don’t strain yourself.

ANYWAYS, more important than any of that stuff tangentially related to my Sucker Punch anticipation is the fact that the teaser phase of marketing has finally kicked-off.  This explains why we’ve now got six character-based teaser posters over at the film’s official website.  There’s one for Emily Browning as Baby Doll:

One for Jamie Chung as Amber:

One for Abbie Cornish as Sweet Pea:

One for Vanessa Hudgens as Blondie:

One for Jenna Malone as Rocket:

And one for Carla Gugino as Madam Gorski (YESSS!):

I may not know what any of Sucker Punch actually amounts to based on the above of posters, but that doesn’t mean I’m not intrigued.  Particularly when you then teaser trailer, which features Lords of Acid’s “Crablouse” for its soundtrack (a good thing) and looks totally fucking bonkers (a very good thing):

Err, I still have no idea whatsoever what’s going on in the movie, but sweet mercy does that teaser have me the most excited.

Best I can tell, Sucker Punch is some sort of strange amalgamation of musicals and just about any genre that might inspire legions of fanboys to pitch tent (cinematically speaking), and I for one couldn’t be more excited for such a strange and schizophrenic blend.  Sure, you might think that sexy ladies with ample cleavage in leather and fishnets and other S&M-inspired/highly sexualized costumes wouldn’t necessarily be my cup of tea, but if you trade out “sexy ladies” for “fierce bitches” and cock your head like so, what’s initially conceived as a straight geek’s wet dream becomes a gay nerd’s fantasy.  I think of Sucker Punch as  Showgirls (in terms of being a cinematic distillation of fabulousness), except now there’s samurais and robots and dragons and weird Nazi monsters and the potential to be awesomely badass as opposed to awesomely bad.

Sure, all these disparate ideas colliding around together could result in Sucker Punch being a hot mess instead of the new hotness, but do you think that’ll deter me from seeing it opening night?  In 3D?  ON IMAX?!?  Hell-to-the-no, bitches!  I’m already so ready to see this in theaters, and I even know exactly how it’s going to end!  (*SPOILER ALERT!* The girls will probably all escape, and I’ll definitely have to buy myself a new pair of pants because I ruined the pair I was wearing when I shat myself from all that awesomeness.)

March 25, 2011, y’all.  It simply can’t come quickly enough.

One Response

  1. I AM THERE, BITCH. I volunteer for opening night squealing.


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