So in case you’ve been under some sad, sad rock where the gentle glow of quality television program does not shine, Mad Men‘s fourth season fast approaches, by which I mean why the f*ck isn’t it July 25th already? Seriously.
Anyways, should your sad, sad rock happened to be buried under a boulder where the interwebs dare not tread, you might not have heard about how AMC has a Mad Men avatar generator over at MadMenYourself.com as part of their online marketing campaign. Well, they do, and it’s brilliant, and now Mad Men Yourself has been updated in anticipation of the fourth season, so you know what that means: it’s time to Mad Men Yourself all over again! Everybody’s doing it, and by everybody, I mean me:
See, last season’s Mad Men Yourself me was all about sartorial simplicity (cardigans and ties) and shameless alcoholism (martinis…EVERYWHERE), but a new season of Mad Men demands a new Mad Men me (and you!), so I decided The Look for season 4 is all about “business pizazz!” (plaid jackets and briefcases) and “slightly more conspicuous alcoholic” (oh, Bloody Mary, the drink that’s never too early to drink and can always just be “tomato juice, but fancy” to your coworkers). My Look also says “Someone’s taken their love of Joan Holloway’s accordion playing one step too far,” but this isn’t a rip-off of a tagline for post-modern slasher, so let’s go see what sort of zany moments from Season Three your Mad Men Yourself you can get yourself into:
Ooh, you too can be the latest member of the exciting new advertising firm Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce! I don’t know about you, but I’ll toast my fancy tomato juice to that, and then I’ll entertain everybody with some accordion, because who doesn’t love the accordion? (Sad Joan Halloway, that’s who.)
Remember when Sal and Don flew to London to work their magic on the London Fog account, and then Sal got some man-lovin’ as well? Of course you do, which is precisely why you want to be a part of this magic moment. Just be sure you don’t forget some pajamas for the flight. International travel can be so terribly exhausting, particularly when you’re biding your time ’til you get to stuff your face with fish and chips and faggots by playing the accordion.
And of course, how could you not want to relax after a hot summer’s day of ignoring your children with a Bloody Mary and a recline on your chaise lounge? I mean, Betty Draper covets her chaise lounge. I covet her chaise lounge. Perhaps you covet her chaise lounge too. Regardless of your position on chaise lounges, though, it’s an obvious win-win situation. Unless you’re Bobby or Sally Draper, in which case you should go just occupy yourself with a plastic bag. While I play the accordion.
You can even find yourself in one my favorite episodes from the third season of Mad Men:
You know, the one where Betty and Don take a trip to Italy, and Betty gets her hair styled fabulously (so fabulously!), but then she has an “unfortunate” boating “accident” that’s in no way related to that one scene in Talented Mr. Ripley, and then you have to dash down to the Piazza in your finest attire and console Don a single rose? And some sensual accordion action to set the properly romantic mood? Okay, so maybe that’s not quite the way it actually went down in Italy, but that’s the beauty of more Mad Men Yourself, you guys: it’s just like fan fiction, but with the exemplary stylings of Nobody’s Sweetheart‘s Dyna Moe, and an even less subtles sense of homoeroticism.
Oh, and accordion. So much accordion.