I can already feel early onset withdrawal coming on, and boy is it bleak. It’s so bad that I’ve had to work extra hard on my shimmies to help balance out the shakes, and I’ve had to buy myself industrial strength spoons to make sure I don’t accidentally swallow my tongue in the process. Like I said, bleak.
Anyways, the one upside to being such a human train wreck is that it’s gotten me thinking about Lost fan videos, or–to be more specific–the lack of Lost fan videos. Seriously, the internet is a bastion for all of us nerds with too much time on our hands to obsess over things like Lost, or which image should come next in their YouTube Miley Cyrus fan video slide show. Sadly for me, I’m too technologically incompetent to know how to make or even upload a YouTube video. Hell, I can barely make a gif, and I have to write up all my blog posts on a typewriter and then have have a 15-year-old transcribe them into C++ (that’s how it works, right?), because the interwebs are for the young and I am OLD. My point is, I’ve come up with a list of Lost fan videos that I think should happen, and I think we, the internet, need to make them happen. For example:
Song: U2’s “No Line on the Horizon”
Why: U2’s ambient rock hymn to a “girl who’s like the sea” is transformed into one fan’s ode to the mysteries of the island itself. The lines “Time is irrelevant/It’s not linear” take on a whole new meaning that encapsulates the time-shifting experience Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse have crafted over the course of six seasons. On the down side, though, there’s no mention of narrative meandering, inexplicably dropped plot threads, or a last-act explanation of “Your questions lead to more questions, so here is a cave of golden light.”
Stan Walker: Black Box
Why: Because not every Lost fan video has to be about the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42:
- Stan Walker is the winner of the seventh season of Australian Idol.
- “Black Box” is a song that equates a failed relationship with an airplane crash, which sorta undermines the tragedy of an actual plane crash.
- Lost is about an airplane crash that was orchestrated by a man who believed that one of those six chosen people on Oceanic flight 815 would be the candidate to replace him, which sorta undermines the tragic deaths of everybody else on Oceanic flight 815.
Pretty easy peasy, I’d say.
Judy Garland: The Man That Got Away
Why: Judy Garland’s torch song about a “one-woman looking for the man that got away” would make for a great Kate fan video because it achingly articulates her relationship with Jack. Also it’s ironic, because she’s kinda a slut. Sayid knows what I’m talking about.
Why: Is a Lost fan video set to Coldplay’s “Lost,” itself an anthemic ode to finding meaning to one’s life when you feel as though all has gone astray, way too easy? Absolutely. Is it so thuddingly obvious to the point of not warranting existence? Quite possibly. But remember this, dear readers: The internet is like Charlotte from Sex and the City, and it misses Carrie’s puns.
Michael Jackson: Ben
Why: Simply put, there’s absolutely no reason that there hasn’t yet been a fan fic video ode that transforms Benjamin Linus and John Locke’s complicated relationship into a Brokeback Lost Island, and this is just the song to score it. Seriously, if there’s a Dumbledore fan video set to Liz Phair’s “H.W.C.”, we can most certainly make this one happen. Plus Five (+5) Interwebs if Richard Alpert gets worked in and the whole thing comes off as some sort of torrid love triangle, and the King of the Internet gets coronated when someone takes it to Totally Bonkerstown (sister city of Funkytown) and uses the Crispin Glover cover instead.
And there you have it: Five Lost fan videos that need to happen. Still, I can’t help but think we’re just standing outside staring at the hatch door of possibilities, so I throw it out to you, dear readers: What do you all think would make for a great Lost fan video?