Happy Star Wars Day! Now Let’s All Watch This Epic Review of Attack of the Clones

True story, y’all: in my youth, I spent about as much time in my parents’ bedroom watching the classic Star Wars trilogy as I did prancing about pretending I was the star ballet dancer (affectionately nicknamed “Spotlight Spotlight Dancer”) in a production of Tchaichovsky’s The Nutcracker.  Both activities were encouraged by my parents, which–looking back–explains so very, very much about the man I am today.  That, and the one time I washed my neighborfriend’s Barbie’s hair in the bathroom sink.

ANYWAYS, as a result of of my upbringing, there aren’t many things in life that I miss quite like Carrie’s puns (it’s a homo thing), but those halycon hours I as a wee gay in spent in a galaxy far, far away most certainly are one of them (it’s a nerd thing), so it’s without reservation that I bid you all good tidings on today’s most joyous of fake holidays:

happy star wars day yoda carrie bradshaw puns

It goes without saying that this pun is like Darth Vader force choking your ear drums, so yeouch!  But it’s also a nice little way to take a moment out of your day and appreciate how Star Wars might have made your life a little better.  Or, if you’re feeling like a regular ol’ Scrooge, so much worse.  For your eyes.  And your soul.  You know exactly what I’m talking about:

Sure, I could usually go and make this “How the Bitch Stole Attack-of-the-Clones-mas” myself, but I’m feeling lazy, so instead I’ll let the brilliant mind behind Red Letter Media make the case for me.  He’s gone and made a video that points out everything that’s wrong with Attack of the Clones (which guarantes it’s LOOOONG), but it’s also a sequel to his 70-minute review of The Phantom Menace (which guarantees it’s hilarious).  Fair readers and fellow nerds alike, trust me when I tell you this is a thing that you need in your life:

And now that you’ve opened that floodgate of awesome, you can catch the rest over here on YouTube.

Sure, I guess it’s a little bit bah-humbug to watch someone make an irrefutable case for Attack of the Clones being the soulless, bottom-line driven afterbirth that crawled forth from The Phantom Menace‘s bad-idea baby cavern, but then you remember you wouldn’t have this gem of a review without it, and that almost justifies Episode II‘s existence.

In other words, this is the greatest Star Wars Day miracle of all.

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2 Responses

  1. And how could you forget that I had to explain to you as a 5 year old after a Star Wars extravaganza on TV that you would have to wait till the summer for the next episode, rather than it being on TV the next night.
    Love,
    Mom

    Like

  2. […] skills are inspiring Attack of the Clones flashbacks (which are well established as being the Worst) and nightmares instead of Fandango hits, GURHL, we’ve got a […]

    Like

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