Celebrities: they’re just like us! And if you happen to be the sort of person who can’t stand black people almost as much as you can’t get enough Nazi memorabilia or sex with lots of tattooed lady friends that aren’t your wife, then rumor has it that Jesse James is just like you! Well, the whole banging ladies with hideous forehead tattoos part is fact, but now there are all sorts of rumors circulating that Jesse James is a white supremacist who has a Hitler surfboard. Yikes! When you’re already considered one of the country’s most reviled men before you’re outed as a racist and a homophobe, it’s pretty safe to say that your public image is certifiably doomed after the fact.
Now seeing as I’m neither a philanderer nor a white supremacist, I don’t have a lot of experience with this sort of situation, but one time I sat in on a PR class in undergrad, which I’m pretty sure makes me qualified to add my two cents to this situation, and I’m all but convinced that if anyone can redeem Jesse James’s public image, and it’s this guy:
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Seriously, nobody likes Hitler (except white supremacists), but tons of people love the gays (except white supremacists. And homophobes.), and everybody can appreciate a swishy gay–particularly Sue Sylvester–so why wouldn’t Gay Hitler help Jesse James’s odds? That’s the first rule I learned in that PR class: when life gives you Hitler love, make Gay Hitler-ade. No, wait, that was from this totally bonkers dream I had where Gay Hitler was teaching PR for White Supremacist Public Image Rehabilitation 101 on a spaceship, and James Franco was my TA, and he told me to stop by his office for extra credit, but then he turned into Shia LaBeouf when I came by his office, so naturally we made out. Like I said: totally bonkers. I guess that’s what I get of ordering my pad kee mao extra spicy.
So on second thought, nevermind. Jesse James’s public image is doomed. I just wanted an excuse to post “Gay Hitler.”
And of course: TEAM SANDRA!
Much love to Ava Gacser’s blog for the pic.