Out of respect to the small yet loyal blog audience that regularly indulges my crazy, I’ve avoided incessantly rants about my increasingly impatient yearning for a new trailer for the remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street. Why? Because even I’m aware of how much that would start to drag ass.
That said, ever since the teaser trailer showed up last fall and made me change my mind about this whole affair, I’ve been hungry for more, and now we’re two months from its release without any news of another trailer in sight, which means I’ve been a hot second away from turning tricks on the street corner for even a little Nightmare on Elm Street remake somethin’ somethin’.
Fortunately for my sense of dignity and everyone else’s eyes, ComingSoon.net has a quick fix in the form of a new teaser poster:
Sure, this is basically the first teaser poster except now it’s all about Face whereas before it was about Glove, but you know what? I’ll take it. Desperate times call for desperate measures, y’all. Particularly when fishnets and hooker heels really aren’t your best look.
Oh, and while we’re at it, ShockTillYouDrop.com has gathered some new promo stills from over at MovieGod.de. Let’s go take a peek and see what we can figure out:
Whaaa?!? Okay, I already have to call shenanigans on this. I mean, Rooney Mara’s Nancy is falling asleep in the mouthwash section of her local pharmacy? I don’t think so.
Sure, I can understand falling asleep in class, which would thereby make you prone to a Freddy Krueger nightmare:
I used to fall asleep constantly in Honors Econ, so this not only makes sense, but it’s also completely awesome because that one girl behind Katie Cassidy’s giving such incredible stink face.
More importantly, said nightmare’s merely a prelude to Katie Cassidy sharing the same infamous fate as Tina from the original Nightmare on Elm Street:
That’s all fine and well. Keep your high school classes snooze-inducing and your character’s deaths iconic, but don’t go trying to change canon, Nightmare on Elm Street remake.
The final girl is always the good girl in the horror movie. She never has sex or does drugs, and it is her virtuous ways that allow her to successfully triumph over the villain. Nancy is Nightmare on Elm Street‘s final girl, and seeing how she takes her v-card and her D.A.R.E. promise so seriously, I sincerely doubt she’s going to doze off anywhere near mouthwash. She’s way too hardcore about her oral hygiene for that.
Stick her by the prophylactics, on the other hand, and I bet you five bucks she’s out like a narcoleptic.