Today in Secret Shames: Avril Lavigne’s “Alice” on the Alice in Wonderland Soundtrack

I’m sure there are all sorts of initial reactions to the news that Disney’s planning to release a companion album inspired by money Tim Burton’s Alice and Wonderland featuring songs by the likes of Robert Smith, The All-American Rejects, and Avril Lavigne.  Perhaps “Wicked awesome!” is one of them, but I instead fell into this camp:

Really, at first I was terribly confused.  But then I got to thinking about it some more, and I realized that this album is synergizing marketing genius.  Possibly the most synergizing marketing genius.  EVER.

If there’s ever been an album tailor-made to the market of Hot-Topic-shopping youth culture that isn’t a soundtrack to one of the Twilight movies, this is without question it.  The only thing that kids these days love more than feeling feeling misunderstood while working on their homemade Edward Scissorhands costumes is listening to Tokio Hotel (also on Almost Alice, duh) while feeling misunderstood and working on their homemade Edward Scissorhands costumes.  Oh, and let’s not forget pretending being in a love triangle with a werewolf and a vampire.  YUMMO.

Anyways, given how I’m an adult who doesn’t paint his nails black and keep all his shit in an Edward Cullen trapper keeper or a Nightmare Before Christmas backpack, I’m probably not the target demographic for this video for Avril Lavigne’s “Alice.”  Still, I am both ridiculously stoked for Alice and Wonderland and also man enough to admit that I still have at one time had “Sk8er Boi” on my iPod, so obviously we need to discuss said music video:

Oops, never mind.

Sure, I can’t shake the feeling that Avril Lavigne’s dress is every girls’ dream gown for their Super Emotive 16th birthday party, but I’m also genuinely embarrassed at how much I enjoy this song.  I could blame it on how I squealed like a banshee when I saw the White Queen’s ultra-fabulous crown (seriously, so fabulous!), or–given my unabashed love for Adam Lambert’s “Time for Miracles”–I could just admit I’ve got a bonafide weakness for anthemic ballads intended for movie soundtracks (at which point we shall not tangent into my feelings for Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing,” thankyouverymuch).  No no, instead I blame this all on Jersey Shore withdrawal.

Why?  Here’s why:

Avril Lavigne’s rocking JWOWW’s hair, except it’s Opposite Day, and I can’t handle it.  So let’s just blame this whole thing on Wonderland, shall we?  Good.

Don’t judge me.

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