The simple reality of Jersey Shore is that, so long as you don’t think too hard about, everything about Jersey Shore is completely amazing, so it should go without saying that the nicknames are just another part of the equation. That said, not all Jersey Shore nicknames are created equal.
Take, for example, “Snooki” and “The Situation”:
Snooki’s actual name is Nicole. If etymology is the evolution of language, then getting from Nicole to Snooki is the linguistic equivalent of a tabby cat giving birth to a duck-billed platypus. Mike, on the other hand, calls his abs “The Situation,” and then sometimes he calls himself “The Situation,” which I suspect is less about about nicknames and more about his abs becoming self-aware, much like Skynet. One nickname’s a freak of nature, and the other’s a sentient robot. Both are signs of the Apocalypse.
ANYWAYS, even though I was actually made aware of this a few weeks ago, we need to discuss the fact that there’s a Jersey Shore nickname generator. Well, more pointedly, we need to discuss the fact that THIS is my nickname:
I don’t know how a completely randomized nickname generator managed to make my nickname one of the gayest things to come out of the Jersey Shore since CC Bloom sang “Under the Boardwalk” in Beaches, but it did, and I love it.
After all, I could have been dubbed “The Beaver Bandit,” and that’s just not right.