Like I’ve previously observed, Jersey Shore is best enjoyed when don’t think about it. For example, Angelina left the house after her married boyfriend dumped her and she couldn’t be bothered to come into work because she kept coughing really loudly in hopes that someone would notice her (which is the first symptom that you’re too sick to work), Ronnie and Sammi bumped uglies and played putt putt, and JWOWW’s boyfriend dumped her over kissing Pauly D, but I’m leaving this Jersey Shore conversation at that because I’m already on the verge of blacking out from all this stupid.
But last night’s episode also had this cramaziness, which was stupid AND worth talking about:
Watching Snooki eat a pickle like she was giving was giving a juiced-up guido’s sausage a little mouth lovin’ took her into a whole new realm of train wreck love because I could empathize with her situation. Sure, I may not fellate my pickles when I eat them, but I do have a serious food crush on the kosher dills. Seriously, just thinking about that garlic and vinegary goodness has me hungry like I’m knocked up with quintuplets.
And to make this tangential discussion even more absurd (yes, it’s possible), my brain damn near fell out of my ear when I recognized the very brand of pickles that she was eating:
How do I know this? Because the telltale yellow label of B&G Pickles is inescapable when you live in New York City. And because knowing your pickle brands is something that matters in life. Whatever.
My point is that Snooki and I are clearly cut from the same pickle-loving cloth, which is either strangely endearing or absolutely mortifying. You be the judge on that one.
Also, I do hope Snooki a picklevention at some point. B&G is perfectly fine, but if you’re doing to blow eat your pickles straight out the jar, there are better brands out there to satiate your dick pickle cravings.