Sorry for the timeliness, y’all, but I’ve been stuck in deep contemplation over our most recent pop culture phenomenon that will surely be swept under the rug of irrelevancy as soon at something more stupefyingly trashtastic comes our way. Naturally I’m referring Jersey Shore:
And, while as much as I love the duck phone and the multiple references to puke breath and the guidos’ cartoonish hyper-masculinity and the simple fact that Pauly D owns a tanning bed IN HIS OWN HOME BEDROOM (!?!?!), I’ve also come to the decision that it is nearly impossible to talk about this show because it’s profoundly stupid. It’s basically a documentary that was rejected by PBS because PBS decided that it would be disingenuous to air a series that treats its subject matter like a comically exhibitionistic alien race as opposed to real people that are part of an actual cultural minority but was then saved when MTV came along and was like, “Standards, shmandards! TAKE US TO YOUR ARTIFICIALLY TANNED LEADER!!!” Really, attempting to apply any sort of critical thought to this show is like like begging for a brain aneurysm.
For example, I know that enjoying this show as a study in human train wrecks makes us all slightly worse people than we were before Jersey Shore was in our lives, but even acknowledging that makes my head hurt when I consider that these people are so confident in how they see themselves that they clearly could care less what the rest of us think. It can only explain this:
Whereas I see what appears to be a young woman smuggling two cantaloupes in an oversized banana peel, JWOWW clearly looks in the mirror and sees a someone with a serious case of the Sexies, thus explaining why she has her boyfriend cake and eats Pauly D’s too, which is some sort of code for seeing his pierced penis. Honestly, just typing that gives me a nosebleed.
More importantly, though, how does one critique a show when one of its cast members has all but preemptively uploaded their response to YouTube?
I’m sorry, but YOU CAN’T. Snooki uploaded this particular video way back in March, and it should be noted that she’s responsible for uploading that promo that exploded unto the internet like a juiced-up bat out of hell. You’re welcome to hate as much as you want, but I think that makes her some sort of self-promoting, viral marketing idiot savant, so I’ve got nothing but love for both Snooki and this show.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need a cold compress and the mental equivalent of a deep colonic.