Why Is Nobody Talking About the Things We Should All Be Talking About When We Talk About Salt?

It never ceases to amaze me what will cause a stir on the interwebs.  I get that it’s a rat race and we’re all just trying to get a piece of the cheese, but when that cheese is a picture of Angelina Jolie’s face that serves as the teaser poster for next summer’s Salt, I really get amazed:

I mean, yay?

Don’t get me wrong.  This poster is perfectly fine, and I’ll no doubt be seeing Salt next summer.  Angelina Jolie has a curious hold on me like that.  I saw Changeling just to see her bring the classic-Hollywood-esque hysterics.  Hell, I even subjected myself to Wanted, which says loads about how appealing I find her as an actress and how I have no self-respect.  Still, as much as I guess there’s a certain newsworthiness in the unveiling of a teaser poster for a movie that many of us will waste $12.50 because the magnetic draw of an Angelina Jolie action movie overrides one’s ability to make good life choices, it seems to me that there are bigger teaser poster fish for us to be frying, namely this one:

Naturally, I have my suspicions:

Of course, those fabulous lips could just be the result of somebody getting fancy with Photoshop, but that doesn’t mean said talented artiste deserves anything less than three snaps and a “Zang, girl, you work it!”

And the trailer?

Again: perfectly fine, I’ll see it. That said, I don’t think that there’s much mystery as to whether or not she’s actually a secret Russian assassin.  She obviously isn’t.  No secret Russian assassin I know (and I obviously no them all) would be caught dead in that wig.  They must have her confused with the other Evelyn Salt, the one that gets hand-me-downs from Kim Zolciak.