Allow Me to Introduce Bonnie Bianco, the Sara Carlson of 80s German Variety Television

In case you’ve yet to witness the combustible magic of Sara Carlson, the Al Paradise sensation who’s inimitable song and dance stylings have won hearts and blown minds over here at Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner, then you’d best correct that terrible life choice.  Immediately.  Seriously, it couldn’t be easier.  Just click here and here, and make sure you’ve a box full of Kleenex ready for all those tears of joy.  All done?  Great!  Then moving right along.  

So this weekend, Skynet YouTube Recommendations once again read my mind and suggested this little number below, “Circo Circo” by Bonnie Bianco.  It may not be Sara Carlson, I thought, but Al Paradise‘s own brand of early-80s carnivalesque psychedelic tranny insanity is enough to make any performer a star, mais oui?

Mais non.

Maybe it’s that Bonnie Bianco’s moves are like something out of the beginner’s course at the Sara Carlson Academy of Batshit Fabulous Ridicudancing, but I also place a lot of the blame on the clowns.  They’re never anything but a recipe for nightmares, so let’s all blame the clowns.  And the fact that every great star needs a great a director.  

It seems to me that Italian variety television just doesn’t know how to make Bonnie Bianco shine.  Fortunately enough, much like von Sternberg made Dietrich, so too has the sauerkraut-and-bratwurst touch of German’s Rotkreuz-Gala transformed Bonnie Bianco into a sensation:

Now a sensation of what and for whom I’m not entirely certain, yet that doesn’t make this any less worth at least a half-dozen repeated views, and you have to admit that “Stranger in my Heart” is damn catchy.  If she was holding back on working her dancing shoes for Italians, girl is just busting loose for the Germans, and can you blame her?  I’d work it like that as well if I was in a land where I could get sauerbraten and dumplings on a daily basis.  Sauerbraten ist köstlichste, ja.  

That said, I may be a child of the 80s, but I don’t remember the 80s being about quite so many incredibly gay backup dancers in matching bedazzled suits doing a community theater production of the long-lost Medieval-Times-inspired Goddess number from Showgirls.  This isn’t a bad thing.  Just a German one.

Whatever.  All cultural differences aside, Bonnie Bianco’s incredible performance is proof positive that big hair and shoulder pads are universal, and that’s what really matters.

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One Response

  1. […] and it was fabulous.  Sure, she set an impossibly high bar by which all others must be judged (sorry, Bonnie Bianco), but Sara Carlson busts moves worth the mind-blowing paradigm shift that will force you to […]

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