Calm It Down, Shep Smith. It’s Only a Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger

Now this is what I’m talking about:

Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburgers.  Just beholding this heavenly beauty raises my cholesterol level threefold, and I mean that as a compliment.  I know that this is the sort of gastronomic nightmare that I could make from the comfort of my own home, but I can’t imagine it coming out half as delicious as the gutbombs in this picture look.  And it’s best I keep telling myself that for fear of actually making one.  One day I’m making Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburgers, and the next day I’m freebasing them.  It’s a slippery slope like that.

Of course, one man’s paradise is another man’s Hell on Earth, and so it’s with great pleasure that I introduce to you Shep Smith, my arch-nemesis in all things scrumptious:

Oh, Shep Smith.  You’re my new favorite.  I love the way you’ve brought that patented brand of Fox News Righteous Indignation to a topic as innocuous (and delicious!) as a Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburger.  How can this be a sign of the apocalypse when there’s only  1,5000 calories in it?  I’m pretty certain it’s a miracle that you can eat one of these things and not have to fast for the rest of the week.  Besides, it’s not yet 2012.  And this sandwich isn’t yet deep-fried and covered in sawmill gravy.  Apocalypse now?  Apocalypse AVERTED.

That said, if the Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburger is a sign of the Apocalypse, what does that make Paula Deen?  Antichrist or Horseman of the Apocalypse?  Discuss.

Glory be to Dlisted for posting this video.